[CHANGES] discomfort or DISCOMFORT?

[Sandra Ahten]

Greetings,
This issue of "Changes" contains four quick things for CU area folks, an 
update on my son Kyle, Art class schedule, and a motivational message: 
"discomfort or DISCOMFORT?".
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FOUR QUICK THINGS
1) If you have Weight Watcher prepayment coupons that were purchases in the 
last year or two, they might have an expiration date on them. Please plan on 
using them soon. Locally, we have not received notice that we have to 
monitor for the expiration date, but we anticipate that this will come in 
the future.

2) Weight Watchers in Champaign is charging registration of $15.00, but we 
are currently waiving the first weeks meeting fee. This expires on April 19 
and I understand that we will be charging the full fee of $15 registration 
plus the  $10.95 weekly fee for a period after that.

3) Weight Watchers 2 point bars are on sale this week: 2 boxes for $8.00.

4) My meeting times with WW are Wednesday 9:30am, Noon, 5:15pm and Friday 
7:30am, 10am and noon. My pay with Weight Watchers is dependant on your 
attendance. If you appreciate this email and are attending meetings,  or 
even just coming to weigh in, please come in during one of these meeting 
times. It is very appreciated.
------------------------
KYLE
Kyle, my twenty one year old son is doing well in prison. We can not 
anticipate the future -- but for today he feels physically safe and in good 
mental an spiritual space. I am so grateful that so many of you held him in 
your thoughts and prayers. After our visit with him last weekend my sister 
and I decided that instead of us just praying for him -- we were sending him 
our prayer and needs list. He is the one with excess time on his hands and 
who is acting like he is on some kind of spiritual retreat!
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ART CLASSES
Creative Drawing - 5 weeks, Monday's starting in April 7, 7-9pm
Art
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"discomfort or DISCOMFORT?"

I know that it is so difficult to change habits -- not to mention habits 
that cross the line into addictions. In times of stress we turn to old 
habits for comfort. But there is some point when a habit or addiction begins 
to cause pain.

Perhaps, like Jane, you find weekends a problematic time for your "diet." 
Jane is in the habit of being treated to dinner at a fancy restaurant every 
Friday. Jane often cooks for herself and her fiancé during the week, and 
this is his way of paying back. Jane consistently tells herself she is going 
to make different choices at the restaurant. She says she isn't going to 
have bread or dessert, which she considers overindulgent. But as soon as her 
fiance suggests that they deserve dessert and he tells her what he has 
decided to to have, she acquiesces. Although Jane keeps intending to keep a 
journal of her food consumption on the weekend, the Friday night foray 
derails her every week. She doesn't journal because of her feeling of 
failure on Friday night and then things spin out of control. This has gone 
on for months, and each Wednesday when she weighs in she swears it is going 
to be different.

FEELING THE FEELINGS
This week Jane looks at me with tears in her eyes as she describes this 
cycle. With the fresh pain that Jane feels, with this new level of 
discomfort, comes a new opportunity of choice for Jane. Which will be 
greater the discomfort of passing on the bread or the discomfort of 
remaining overweight? Is it as simple as that? It may be -- but in order to 
make that decision Jane needs a complete understanding of her goals and the 
feelings that are attached to those goals. What are her reasons for wanting 
to change? She needs to have fully examined the discomfort of being 
overweight.

Let's call the situation at the scale "Discomfort S" (for scale). Why is not 
losing weight bringing Jane to tears? Will being overweight shorten her 
life? Will it cause her to feel inferior? Will making food choices that feel 
incongruent with choices elsewhere in her life undermine her belief in 
herself? Will being overweight continue to cause her unhappiness?

Let's call the Friday night situation at the restaurant "Discomfort B" (for 
bread). This is when Jane has to make the first decision about whether to 
choose "Discomfort S" or the discomfort that comes with not having bread 
with dinner. Jane thinks that "Discomfort B" may include feeling deprived 
and perhaps not feeling bonded with her fiance. As she examines her 
feelings, though, on this particular Friday night, she discovers that is 
feeling very close to him, and it is really just the feeling of being a 
little deprived that she is dealing with. Jane then takes a minute to fully 
remember "Discomfort S" and all the feelings that brought those tears to her 
eyes, and she compares it with "Discomfort B." Jane passes on the bread.

EVERYTHING

What Jane usually would have done at that juncture is to conjure up all of 
the negative feelings that she projects she's going to encounter as she gets 
to her weight goal. Instead of dealing with "Discomfort B," which is the 
reality, she instead is faced with confronting all of the possible negative 
roadblocks between her and her weight goal. We'll call these "Discomfort E" 
(for everything). Jane would have said, "Well, I could live with the 
discomfort of not having the bread, but I really want dessert later. I know 
I can't live without that. And even if I could sacrifice that, I'm sure not 
going to give up bread and dessert every Friday night for the rest of my 
life." And so a fairly straightforward Discomfort B (for bread) is turned 
into a complex Discomfort E (for everything). The enormity of Discomfort E 
feels overwhelming; just thinking of it causes us stress, so we turn to our 
old habits for comfort.

Jane can deal with the dessert decision when and if it comes up later. It 
has nothing to do with the decision about the bread. Try to make your 
decisions to live healthier just one step, one level, at a time. If you 
anticipate feeling deprived when the bread basket is passed around, perhaps 
you would feel less so if you had tomato juice with a celery stick to munch 
on until your salad arrives. If you thing that having dessert together might 
help you feel more  bonded with your sweetie, perhaps you could suggest an 
after-dinner walk holding hands. If you lump all of your feelings together 
as "Discomfort E," you won't be able to think of these possible solutions, 
because "Discomfort E" is too overwhelming. Take your journey one day at a 
time, one decision at a time  -- and watch your goals turn into reality.

Each day you are a new person. You have new experiences and a new history. 
That is why "Discomfort E" is such an unfair thing to do to yourself.  In 
fact, when you actually come to tomorrow and to tomorrow's situations you 
will be a new person. A person who has chosen "hand--holding" instead of 
"cake-stuffing" to bond with her fiance. A person who has passed on the 
bread basket. A person who feels her choices earlier in the weekend were 
made with integrity.  A person who steps on the scale with joyful 
anticipation.

You are not the same person you were a year ago, and you are not the same 
person you will be a year from now. Make a specific plan for the you that 
you want to be a year from now -- but follow through on the plan just one 
decision at a time.

© 2002 by Sandra Ahten
Although I am an employee of Weight Watchers, this message has no 
affiliation with Weight Watchers International. I am solely responsible for 
the content.











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