[CHANGES] What would satisfy you?

[Sandra Ahten]

I recently received these emails. . . .

Dear Sandra,
You may remember me. I lost 20 pounds last year, but stress, the war, taking 
care of my sister's kids just got in the way of continuing the diet. Now it 
seems I've put it all back on and can't get it under control. It seems like 
to keep the weight off I have to just stop eating and starve. I get so 
inspired by your messages but I just can't get in gear.
Signed, "L"

Dear Sandra,
I am so disgusted with myself. I come to your meetings, make a plan--and 
actually follow it for 3 or 4 days. But then I start feeling deprived and 
think I need a Blizzard. I head to DQ and order myself a large M&M. Then I'm 
off to the races. I don't bother to journal again until I come to a meeting 
the following Wednesday. I feel so guilty and I'm tired of doing this week 
after week. I'm not losing weight. Though I'm glad I haven't regained the 45 
pounds, I have to do something different. I saw my doctor last week and I'm 
looking at knee replacement unless I do something pretty drastic this year. 
But even the threat of that doesn't seem to help.
Signed, "B"

Q: What question, taken seriously and sincerely, could help both of these 
women--and you, too?
A: "What would really satisfy me?"

I stress the words "seriously and sincerely." In L's case, I can guarantee 
you that "starving herself" would not be the answer to her satisfaction. 
Asking this question and taking ourselves seriously as we ask it can offer 
an opportunity to tune into what we really desire and where we really 
stumble. The question can give us an opportunity to make a plan that we can 
truly live with. It can offer us an alternative to our habits which are our 
first response under stress.

L's answer might be one of these:

I would be satisfied if I could have something really fast that the kids 
would like too.
I would be satisfied with a salad, if I knew I could have dessert tonight.
I would be satisfied with anything, if only I didn't have to prepare it.

Answering the question gives L the opportunity to make a plan: Perhaps 
baking a frozen pizza for the kids and a low-point frozen dinner for 
herself. Perhaps asking her husband to stop by the store and get chicken 
breasts to put on the grill. Maybe making a stop at Subway.

Losing or gaining weight is not an all-or-nothing proposition. Don't 
consider yourself "on the program" or "off the program." Once L starts 
making some step in the right direction, stops fatalistically throwing up 
her hands, she can build on her successes. Lifestyle changes are ongoing. We 
move forward, we move back. It is time for L to start a few steps forward. 
Momentum will build.

B, on the other hand, has identified her stumbling block: Blizzards. Of 
course it may seem obvious to those of us looking in that Blizzards aren't 
the real issue. The Blizzard seems like the perfect opportunity to give up 
on the program and overeat for the rest of the week. But you have to start 
with where you are to make an effective plan. So I challenge B, as she gets 
in her car to burn rubber down to Dairy Queen, to stop and ask herself: 
"What would really satisfy me? Would a small Blizzard eaten really slowly 
satisfy me? Would I need a Blizzard every day to satisfy me? Would three 
Blizzards a week satisfy me?"

To ask this in a respectful tone of voice with no sarcasm is key. Listen for 
the answer. If B felt like a small Blizzard three times a week would satisfy 
her, then wouldn't it be better to have those Blizzards, feel satisfied, and 
stay with the rest of her plan? If you throw up your hands and head "off to 
the races," you can consume 3 Blizzards worth of points in one afternoon.

Perhaps B will answer, "Just a small Blizzard tonight will satisfy me. I 
don't think I'll want one tomorrow, but I'm just dying for the escape, the 
taste, the pleasure right now." Perhaps she will come to the realization 
that no number of Blizzards will ever satisfy her, that she is tired and 
lonely and is eating to fill the space left in her life by the loss of her 
partner. It might give her the opportunity to try to fulfill her needs in 
some other way. Or she might decide to have the Blizzard and acknowledge 
while she's eating it that it comforts her and that she deserves to have 
comfort in her life. This is a huge step toward getting the comfort that we 
desire from food. There is no point in eating food for comfort and feeling 
guilty while you do it. If you are eating for comfort allow yourself the 
comfort.

Sometimes this is a deep process and we can get to some deep answers. Other 
times it is just a way to give pause, a time to think about actions and 
consequences. Last night I made a lovely dinner: a salad with leaf lettuce, 
red onion, feta cheese, and pine nuts; baked sweet-potato fries; grilled 
"turkey mignons"*. When the salad and fries were gone and I was about 
halfway through the turkey, I realized that I didn't really, really want the 
rest of it. Of course that wasn't going to stop me from eating it--I belong 
to the clean plate club! But I stopped and asked myself, "Ok, then how much 
more of it are you going to eat? How much will satisfy you?" I paused and 
realized that I'd feel satisfied packaging the rest for my lunch today and 
saving points for a fudge bar before bed.

I felt completely satisfied in stopping, though I did experience some 
initial discomfort. Remember that changing habits requires some discomfort. 
My habit is to clean my plate. It was uncomfortable to stop eating when 
there was still food left. But giving myself pause by asking the questions 
allowed a real choice, instead of just my habit, to surface.

By asking yourself, "What would truly satisfy me?" you are giving yourself 
opportunity to respond less automatically, less by habit, and more 
creatively. In this way you can get your needs met AND create a plan that 
will not sabotage your goals.

Consider the words of Juliene Berk: "Habits--the only reason they persist is 
that they are offering some satisfaction. You allow them to persist by not 
seeking any other, better form of satisfying the same needs. Every habit, 
good or bad, is acquired and learned in the same way--by finding that it is 
a means of satisfaction."


Sandra

*If you're interested:
Make baked sweet-potato fries by washing and slicing a raw sweet potato 
(unpeeled) into coins about 1/4 inch thick. Lay them on a baking sheet and 
spray with cooking spray. Sprinkle on spices. I use premixed Cajun spices or 
a combination of paprika, chili powder, salt, and pepper. Bake in a 
preheated 425-degree oven for about 25 minutes or until crisp (3 points for 
a 10-ounce potato),

Turkey Mignons, made by Carolina Best, are available in the frozen food 
section at Sam's Club. They are only 4 points each, including the bacon they 
come wrapped in. Besides tasting great, they are quick and easy to prepare.

_________________________________________________________________
The new MSN 8: advanced junk mail protection and 2 months FREE*  
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail