[CHANGES] Grateful for the Redbud Trees

[Sandra K. Ahten]

CHANGES
I hope this newsletter, "Changes," will help you find inspiration and
provide you with information about living a healthy lifestyle. I will be
addressing diet, exercise, emotions, habits, solutions and more. Sometimes
you will also receive email about other things that I am doing in the
Champaign-Urbana area. I am a Weight Watcher facilitator, I teach art
classes, have art shows, facilitate support groups, etc. You may of course
unsubscribe at any time.

Although I am employed by Weight Watchers International, the email you
receive from me has no affiliation with Weight Watchers International. I am
solely responsible for the content.

I love getting your feedback and hearing your stories. Please feel free to
reply to the email. It will come directly to me.
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"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within
himself."
-Galileo (1564-1642, Italian astronomer & mathematician)

There was a time in my life when I was a victim. My life was messed up and I
had no way to fix it. I didn't want to be like the people I knew--as messed
up as my life was, their lives often looked worse. So I didn't have a role
model. I had little connection with a higher power. My religious upbringing
had layers: You confess to a priest. You pray to a saint. These seemed not
to be about a personal relationship. And much of what I was told just seemed
downright scary.

I was deep in a quagmire of self-deception and self-destruction. But a step
at a time, things began to turn around. When I was finally hurting enough, I
reached out and asked for help. I looked for people who were leading lives
that seemed more sane, more manageable, and I tried doing what they were
doing. I started to believe in a power greater than myself. I thought this
was all good and fine until I realized that this power was not outside of
me. There were no external layers to navigate through. The power was inside
of me. Unfortunately, the only way I had to connect to the power was through
my mind and my thoughts and they were as messy as my linen closet.

Back when I was drinking, my mind wasn't available for making any headway
toward a more peaceful life. It was cloudy with the booze, or, when sober,
for planning for the next drink or for getting myself out of the various
dilemmas I had caused. When I finally stopped drinking altogether, it wasn't
so much better. My mind would race. I was always thinking. Should I keep the
job or try another? What an idiot Wallace is. Why do they let him talk in
meetings? Should I tell Rob about my feelings for him or wait for him to
approach me? Where will the money for tuition come from? Am I too strict or
too lenient a parent? Always, morning to night with worry, or planning, or
resentments.

Gratitude was my first road in to peace. Sometimes I would just
spontaneously feel grateful, but usually I worked at it. I made gratitude
lists. My mind objected to being still, so in order to have peace, I had to
give it something positive to focus on. I was grateful for the obvious
things--my health, my son, my house. But I needed more. On the advice of my
AA sponsor I numbered a page from one to fifty. "Don't stop until you've
filled the list." I was grateful for my washer and my dryer. I was grateful
not just for my health but that the headaches were gone. For the phone. For
the lawnmower.

Over time the more I felt grateful for, the more I had to feel grateful
about. Spontaneous gratitude would come and just wash around me often now.
One spring day while driving to work, I was overcome with gratitude for the
beauty of the redbud blossoms. I wished that I had beautiful trees in my
yard. That evening I pulled into my driveway. I know this seems impossible
to imagine, but--MY redbud tree was in blossom. I didn't even know I had a
redbud tree! Honest, I had lived in this house for four years and not ever
been aware enough to even notice, let alone appreciate, the beauty that was
right in my own front yard.

For me the knowledge that the Power to change my life is within me was, and
is, both burden and freedom. It means that I no longer a victim. I have to
take responsibility for my own life. That is a burden. But of course it
means that I am no longer a victim, and I get to claim responsibility for my
own life. No one can stop me from happiness. No one--except me--can stop me
from living my dreams.

It is imperative that I get rid of the clutter of my mind because my mind is
my easiest connection to the power. This is as true today as ever. What is
cluttering my mind? What am I obsessing over? Is it the foods I can't have?
The exercising I said I was going to do but didn't? Is it a resentment? A
longing?

What about you? Is your mind filled with negative self-talk? Is your mind
filled with childhood rules and fears that are no longer in your best
interest to hold onto? Is your mind filled with what foods you can and can't
have? Is it numbed by overeating?

Do you need more information on eating better, losing weight, leading a
healthy lifestyle? I've got that. I can give you great choices at
restaurants and low-calorie snack ideas. Your trainer can help you find an
exercise routine that, if you do it, will build your muscles. Your minister
can lead you to a wealth of spiritual inspiration. But in the end, the
answers are found within you. This is the blessing--and it is the curse.
What do you need to do this week to clear your mind of the clutter, so that
you can tap into the answers that lie within you?

There are many paths in to your heart and soul. Setting goals and planning
an approach to better health can be a road in. If this is yours, be
grateful--it can be a wondrous journey. I have seen so many changes deep in
the hearts of people as they have struggled through their journeys with
food, dieting, accepting their body, changing their habits. You do not have
to keep doing the same things over and over. It is within each of us to
change, to grow, to become more and more an expression of goodness. Approach
your life with an open mind and a willingness not to obsess. Approach it
with gratitude. As you make your plan for this week, be willing to be
grateful for each step of it. Find some reason to appreciate every decision
that you make.

You are not alone.

© 2002 by Sandra Ahten