[Newspoetry] Fractured books (from a contest in the Washington Post)

[Maiko Covington]

Hiya.

	While not usually one to forward random things from the net, 
I came upon the results of this contest posted in a home schooling
newsgroup and thought y'all might get some inspiration... I know
I sure was laughing hard!

	Maiko.

	Here 'tis:

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Have you heard these? They're from the Washington Post Invitational
contest, which calls them Merge-Matic Books.  Readers were asked to
combine the works of two authors, and to provide a suitable blurb:

Second Runner-up:

"Machiavelli's The Little Prince" - Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic
children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human
nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all
of whom are executed. (Erik Anderson, Tempe, Ariz.)

First Runner-up:
"Green Eggs and Hamlet" - Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a
dagger through his head?  I would not, could not, kill the King. I
could not do that evil thing.  I would not wed this girl, you see.
Now get her to a nunnery.  (Robin Parry, Arlington)

And the Winner of the Dancing Critter: "Fahrenheit 451 of the
Vanities" - An '80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or
even notice.  (Mike Long, Burke)

Honorable Mentions:

"Where's Walden?"- Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau
in each richly detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly
becomes clear that he is always in the woods.  (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

"Catch-22 in the Rye" - Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll
probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep
school, you're probably not insane.  (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

"2001: A Space Iliad"- The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year
war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.  (Joseph
Fomm,
Washington)

"Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi"- Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove
Rudyard Kipling's theory that the mongoose first came to India on a
raft from Polynesia. (David Laughton, Washington)

"The Maltese Faulkner" - Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's
struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul
along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his
attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil? (Thad Humphries,
Warrenton)

"Jane Eyre Jordan" - Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to
lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship.(Dave Pickering, Bowie)

"Looking for Mr. Godot"- A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter
her life. She has a loooong wait.  (Jonathan Paul, Garrrett Park)

"The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter" - An 18th-century English nobleman
leads a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the
prisons of post-Revolution France.

"Lorna Dune" - An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the
daughter of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a
career as a giant worm jockey in order to impress her.>

"The Remains of the Day of the Jackal" - A formal English butler puts
his loyalty to his employer above all else, until he is persuaded to
join a plot to assassinate Charles deGaulle.

"The Invisible Man of La Mancha"- Don Quixote discovers a mysterious
elixir which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage
of corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and
all the while singing "To fight the Invisible Man!" until he is
finally stopped by a windmill.

"Planet of the Grapes of Wrath" - Astronaut lands on mysterious
planet, only to discover that it is his very own home planet of
Earth, which has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn
farmers who miraculously developed rudimentary technology and evolved
the ability to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation.

"Paradise Lost in Space"- Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to
spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil
scientist, and 2 annoying children.

"The Exorstentialist" - Camus psychological thriller about a priest
who casts out a demon by convincing it that there's really no purpose
to what it's doing.