[Newspoetry] Saturn Night Live
John Wason
jwason at prairienet.org
Sun Jan 6 03:54:39 CST 2002
At 01:34 AM 01/06/2002 -0600, William Gillespie wrote:
>
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><HTML>
><HEAD>
><META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
><META NAME="Generator" CONTENT="Microsoft Word 81.2">
><TITLE>NEWSPOETRY OBLIGATORY SNL FREEWRITE</TITLE>
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><BODY>
><P>[revise if necessary or desired]</P>
><P>Saturn Night Live, by Bethany Cooper, Maiko Covington, Ben Emerick, Joe
Futrelle,
> William Gillespie, Mike Lehman, Justin Smith</P>
><P>[Saturn revolves around the earth once every 29.46 Earth years. In
astronomical
> terms, this means that Saturn Night Live airs reruns for 15 out of every 30
> episodes. In practice, however, these reruns, rather than being clustered at
> the end of the year, are staggered: the reruns air when the sun passes
between
> Earth and Saturn, which alignment renders a live broadcast problematic. The
> show always starts a few minutes late. Gravity on Saturn is 1.16 G,
rendering
> certain comic pratfalls too dangerous too attempt. But the slapstick is
maintained
> through jokes involving the dense atmosphere and the effect it has on
interplanetary
> cosmopolitan life. The surface temperature is -80 degrees Celsius, which is
> good for a few laughs. Hydrogen jokes—actors innocently lighting
cigarettes
> and exploding—are worked until they’re thin. The day on Saturn is
> less then half the day on Earth, so rehearsals are short, but the cast gets
> more sleep and is thus less prone to drug addiction. Although admittedly
drugs
> are harder to get out here then they are in New York.]</P>
><P>Hi, I'm a Newspoet. You may recognize me from such Newspoems as "Ode to
News"
> and "Stopping by News on a Snowy Evening". Every Saturday I take a
much-needed
> break from watching reruns of Saturday Night Live on Comedy Central and hop
> on the Newspoetry space shuttle which whisks me to a secret location. I'm
usually
> the first to arrive, so I flip on SNBC and pop open a Diet Titan. As the
other
> Newspoets filter in, we chat about HTML and CGI and wait for this week's
rerun
> of Saturn Night Live.</P>
You must have chatted about HTML so much that you decided to write the
collective newspoem in that medium. Makes it TWICE as funny. :)
JW
><P>	 yeah–sure. I watch Saturn Night
Live.
> It's ok I guess. But I always preferred it/s weekday counterpart, Tuesday
Night
> Dead. Why did they cancel that, anyway?</P>
><P> as my eyes tire of a cathode ray display
about
> five times further away than I am used to, they begin to itch. Make no
mistake,
> the show is funny, but when a land shark shows up at MY door, he usually
leaves
> a business card and campaign promotion materials.</P>
><P>	 We gather on Saturday Night<br>
> The cathode ray tube set alight<br>
> Tune in SNL and then laugh just like
hell<br>
> The community makes it alright</P>
><P> Floating in boats<br>
> Wearing old coats<br>
> The formerly working poor<br>
> Shuffle into Bush's bleak new world</P>
><P>It turned out</P>
><P>And then I remembered that</P>
><P>......</P>
><P>	 I can but you wouldn't</P>
><P>!</P>
><P>And now, live from Hyperion, it's...</P>
><P>Saturn Night Live!</P>
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></HTML>
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