[Newspoetry] middle-eastern schoolyard (part one)
Jay Morris
jrmorris at hotmail.com
Thu Jan 17 14:19:52 CST 2002
How Not to Solve Problems
It has been recently brought to the school boards attention that there has
been growing tension between the popular students and the less popular
goth children in our countys schools. Kids being kids, the goth children
have mocked the popular crowd, and the more powerful popular students have
decided to pick on, beat up, and generally make life hell for the goth
children. The goth children have until now responded pitifully in any
physical conflicts, as could be predicted given that they tend often to be
of much slighter build than the jocks of the popular crowd.
Generally, the school board has left the resolution of these conflicts to
the teacher or principal of the school involved. However, in light of
recent incidents of school shootings and other violence committed around the
nation by goth children (including the recent rash of school vandalism in
our west side schools), the school board has decided to take action.
For the purpose of peace-keeping, each popular student will be issued an
M-16 automatic rifle. There will also be made available one Apache attack
helicopter per popular student clique, to be used at their discretion for
peace-keeping purposes. The less popular (i.e., higher risk) children will
also be restricted to either the cafeteria or the gymnasium during lunch or
any break times. Any travel between these two areas will be made outdoors.
Portable outdoor toilets will be set up along this route. Hallways,
drinking fountains, and the parking lot will be monitored by popular
students.
The school board will meet next week with the most popular student (Chet
Atkins) and the child identified as leader of the less popular goth crowd
(Danny Wilson), in an attempt to work out a peace accord. Im sure you all
remember Chet Atkins whose father got us a deal on those Creationism
textbooks last year. You probably also remember Danny Wilson, whose cousin
set fire to the tire factory last year.
Lets try to keep all the children in our prayers this week. I trust that
this issue can be resolved in a timely manner without any further incidents.
Sincerely,
James Hellison
Garrett County School Board Chair
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