<html><head></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; ">Entertaining, and without any particular message. <br><div><br><div>Begin forwarded message:</div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"><blockquote type="cite"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>From: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;">bhannon <<a href="mailto:bhannon@uiuc.edu">bhannon@uiuc.edu</a>><br></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>Date: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;">September 16, 2010 10:23:20 AM CDT<br></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>To: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;">Clark Bullard <<a href="mailto:bullard@illinois.edu">bullard@illinois.edu</a>><br></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>Subject: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;"><b>A chuckle</b><br></span></div><br><div style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; "><div><blockquote type="cite"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; font-family: Geneva; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; "><div><p class="yiv1453362263MsoNormal"><font size="4"><span style="font-size: 13pt; "><br>Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. <br> <br>Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø Going to church doesn't make you a<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span id="yiv1453362263lw_1284564906_17"><span class="yiv1453362263yshortcuts">Christian</span></span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø If I agreed with you we'd<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i><span style="font-style: italic; ">both</span></i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>be wrong. <br><strong><b><font face="Times New Roman"> </font></b></strong><br>Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. <br> <br>Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left. <br> <br>Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. <br> <br>Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. <br> <br>Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. <br> <br>Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. <br> <br>Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation. <br> <br>Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? <br> <br>Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. <br> <br>Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br></span></font><font size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; "><br></span></font><font size="4"><span style="font-size: 13pt; ">Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks. <br> <br>Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. <br> <br>Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". <br> <br>Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. <br> <br>Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" <br> <br>Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? <br> <br>Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. <br> </span></font></p></div><div><p class="yiv1453362263MsoNormal"><font size="4" face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 13pt; ">Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span id="yiv1453362263lw_1284564906_18"><span class="yiv1453362263yshortcuts">Miss America</span></span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i><span style="font-style: italic; ">another</span></i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>woman.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i><span style="font-style: italic; ">twice</span></i>.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø The<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span id="yiv1453362263lw_1284564906_19"><span class="yiv1453362263yshortcuts">voices in my head</span></span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>may not be real, but they have some good ideas!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><font color="navy"><span style="color: navy; ">Sh</span></font>e won't expect it back.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.<br><br>Ø <span id="yiv1453362263lw_1284564906_20"><span class="yiv1453362263yshortcuts">Hospitality</span></span>: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid. </span></font></p></div><div><div><font size="2" face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 10pt; "> </span></font><br class="webkit-block-placeholder"></div></div><div><p class="yiv1453362263MsoNormal"><font size="4" face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 13pt; ">Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.<strong><b><font face="Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></font></b></strong><b><span style="font-weight: bold; "><br></span></b><br>Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br><br>Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.</span></font></p></div></span></blockquote></div><br></div></blockquote></div><br></body></html>