<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div dir="ltr"></div><div dir="ltr"><br><br><br>Begin forwarded message:<br><br></div><blockquote type="cite"><div dir="ltr"><b>From:</b> Caitlin Johnstone <<a href="mailto:donotreply@wordpress.com">donotreply@wordpress.com</a>><br><b>Date:</b> September 18, 2019 at 8:32:51 PM CDT<br><b>To:</b> <a href="mailto:cgestabrook@gmail.com">cgestabrook@gmail.com</a><br><b>Subject:</b> <b>[New post] Satirical ‘Onion’ Headline About Saudi Oil Now Just A Regular News Report</b><br><br></div></blockquote><blockquote type="cite"><div dir="ltr">
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Caitlin Johnstone posted: "Four months ago the satirical news site The Onion posted the headline, "John Bolton: ‘An Attack On Two Saudi Oil Tankers Is An Attack On All Americans’".
I remember the post because it cracked me up a the time. Like many Onion headlines, the joke came " </span>
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<h2 class="post-title" style="margin: .4em 0 .3em; font-size: 1.8em; font-size: 1.6em; color: #555; margin: 0; font-size: 20px;"><a href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/2019/09/19/satirical-onion-headline-about-saudi-oil-now-just-a-regular-news-report/" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2; text-decoration: none !important;">Satirical ‘Onion’ Headline About Saudi Oil Now Just A Regular News Report</a></h2>
<span style="color: #888;">by <a href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/?author=2" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2; color: #888 !important;">Caitlin Johnstone</a> </span>
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<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">Four months ago the satirical news site <em>The Onion</em> <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://politics.theonion.com/john-bolton-an-attack-on-two-saudi-oil-tankers-is-an-1834791494">posted the headline</a>, "John Bolton: ‘An Attack On Two Saudi Oil Tankers Is An Attack On All Americans’".</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">I remember the post because it cracked me up a the time. Like many <em>Onion</em> headlines, the joke came from a cartoonish exaggeration of something that we all kind of know to be basically true but which no official would actually say, in this case the fact that the drivers of the US war machine are always trying to spin their imperialist resource control agendas as something which protects ordinary Americans instead of plutocratic investments and geostrategic hegemony. It was quite clever, and it was very clearly satirical.</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">At the time.</p>
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<blockquote style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 1.1em; font-style: italic; color: #878787; border-left: 3px solid #ccc; padding-left: 1em; margin: 1em 1em 1em 2em;" class="twitter-tweet" data-width="420" data-dnt="true">
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;" lang="en" dir="ltr">John Bolton: ‘An Attack On Two Saudi Oil Tankers Is An Attack On All Americans’ <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://t.co/Dgny7ss6pJ">https://t.co/Dgny7ss6pJ</a> <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://t.co/nvxyCtNCVh">pic.twitter.com/nvxyCtNCVh</a></p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">— The Onion (@TheOnion) <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1128750156977975296?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 15, 2019</a></p>
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<blockquote style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 1.1em; font-style: italic; color: #878787; border-left: 3px solid #ccc; padding-left: 1em; margin: 1em 1em 1em 2em;" class="twitter-tweet" data-width="420" data-dnt="true">
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;" lang="en" dir="ltr">.<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://twitter.com/SecPompeo?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@SecPompeo</a>: An attack on Saudi oil is NOT an attack on America. If you want a war, come to Congress to make your case. We will not let you drag the American people into another catastrophe in the Middle East.</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">Your job is to use diplomacy to resolve conflict—not incite more war. <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://t.co/GcpacxodOd">https://t.co/GcpacxodOd</a></p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">— Bernie Sanders (@SenSanders) <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://twitter.com/SenSanders/status/1174388917715513344?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 18, 2019</a></p>
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<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">Speaking to reporters on Wednesday about an attack on a Saudi Aramco oil refinery last weekend, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo proclaimed that not only was the attack definitely perpetrated by Iran, but that it was an "act of war" and a threat to American lives.</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">“This was an Iranian attack,” <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="http://archive.is/JXtDh#selection-417.0-420.0">Pompeo claimed</a> without evidence. “We were blessed there were no Americans killed in this attack, but anytime you have an act of war of this nature, there’s always a risk that could happen.”</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">Indeed, despite the Saudi government hilariously labeling the wounding of an Aramco facility "<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2019/09/white-house-describes-saudi-oil-attack-attack-as-their-911">their 9/11</a>", nobody was killed in the incident at all. The most significant casualty of the attack was Saudi oil export capacity, which has <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-09-16/-yemen-s-houthis-say-saudi-oil-facilities-continue-to-be-targets">reportedly been cut in half</a> for the <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-saudi-aramco-attacks-idUSKBN1W00SA">few weeks</a> it will likely take to repair the damage. Yet Pompeo is rendering the art of satire obsolete by claiming it was an "act of war" against which Americans must be defended.</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">The government-owned Saudi Aramco is reportedly the <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-04-13/the-aramco-accounts-inside-the-world-s-most-profitable-company">single most profitable corporation in the world</a>, and while it's difficult to know for certain behind the veils of government opacity it may be worth <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://www.investopedia.com/what-is-saudi-aramco-4682590">trillions of dollars</a>. If you've ever wondered how the Saudi royals can afford extravagances like <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-10-28/shocking-viral-interview-qatar-confesses-secrets-behind-syrian-war">arming violent extremist militias</a> in rival governments and a <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/2018/12/14/imagine-if-saudi-arabia-was-not-a-us-ally/">relentless genocide in Yemen</a>, that's how. This blood-soaked Saudi corporation is the thing that the US government is attempting to conflate with "America" right now.</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">Which is refreshingly honest, in a way. The idea that we're in a corporate global empire where the lines between nations mean nothing to the elites who actually run things was once broadly considered the purview of hoarse-voiced <em>Infowars</em> tirades; now they're just coming right out and saying it. As <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/2019/06/04/donald-trump-is-the-most-honest-us-president-of-all-time/">I've said before</a>, in some ways the Trump administration is the most honest presidency of all time.</p>
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<blockquote style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 1.1em; font-style: italic; color: #878787; border-left: 3px solid #ccc; padding-left: 1em; margin: 1em 1em 1em 2em;" class="twitter-tweet" data-width="420" data-dnt="true">
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;" lang="en" dir="ltr">And now I will begin exploring ways to cut off ties with <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/SolomonIslands?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#SolomonIslands</a> including potentially ending financial assistance & restricting access to U.S. dollars & banking. <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://t.co/1l7YdmhWNK">https://t.co/1l7YdmhWNK</a></p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://twitter.com/marcorubio/status/1173699943212769281?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 16, 2019</a></p>
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<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">We're seeing the same kind of startlingly frank admission that Washington, DC is the capital of a globe-spanning empire in the way US officials are reacting to the <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://twitter.com/Nat_Whiting/status/1173859832668934144?s=20">decision of the Solomon Islands</a> to shift its diplomatic ties from Taiwan to China. Based on what you were taught in school about what nations are and how the world works, you would assume that a sovereign state on the other side of the planet pivoting diplomatically from Taipei to Beijing would have nothing to do with the United States, yet we're seeing a hostile reaction from the US government of the sort you'd expect to see if Alaska or Hawaii seceded from the union.</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">"U.S. Vice President Mike Pence has canceled plans to meet with the leader of the Solomon Islands to discuss development partnerships after the Pacific island cut ties with Taiwan in favor of China this week," a senior US official <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-taiwan-diplomacy-pence-exclusive/exclusive-pence-rebuffs-solomon-islands-pm-after-nation-cuts-ties-with-taiwan-idUSKBN1W22WK?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=Social">told Reuters</a> on Tuesday, adding that "the decision by the Solomon Islands to change its diplomatic recognition from Taiwan to the People’s Republic of China has consequences."</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">"And now I will begin exploring ways to cut off ties with #SolomonIslands including potentially ending financial assistance and restricting access to U.S. dollars and banking," <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://twitter.com/marcorubio/status/1173699943212769281">tweeted</a> Senator Marco Rubio in response to the news.</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">"The senator is threatening to penalize a small country for switching their diplomatic ties from Taiwan to the People’s Republic of China," <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://www.theamericanconservative.com/larison/the-petty-cruelty-of-hawks/">wrote <em>The American Conservative</em>'s Daniel Larison</a> of Rubio's reaction. "Not only is this a heavy-handed and stupid response to growing Chinese influence, since it would guarantee that the Solomons become even more dependent on China, but it is utter hypocrisy for an American politician to berate another government for doing what our government did forty years ago. It is also a good example of how many hawks view the sovereignty and independence of small states. As long as small states take the 'right' foreign policy positions, the hawks say they have every right to make their own foreign policy without interference, but as soon as they do something that hawks don’t like they will be targeted for punishment. It is crude bullying against one of the poorest countries in the world, and Floridians should be embarrassed to be represented by someone who engages in it."</p>
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<blockquote style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 1.1em; font-style: italic; color: #878787; border-left: 3px solid #ccc; padding-left: 1em; margin: 1em 1em 1em 2em;" class="twitter-tweet" data-width="420" data-dnt="true">
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;" lang="en" dir="ltr">"You could hardly ask for a better demonstration of how mindless and knee-jerk the addiction to sanctions is than Rubio's threat against this small Pacific nation." <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://t.co/OjrxQ23JQH">https://t.co/OjrxQ23JQH</a></p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">— Daniel Larison (@DanielLarison) <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://twitter.com/DanielLarison/status/1174077630334869512?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 17, 2019</a></p>
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<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">Things are becoming more transparent, and the gears of the empire are becoming easier to point to. It's scary, it's bizarre, and it will put the satirists right out of business. But ultimately, I think, it will wake people up.</p>
<p style="direction: ltr; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4em; color: #444; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0 0 1em;">__________________</p>
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<strong><a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/?author=2">Caitlin Johnstone</a></strong> | September 19, 2019 at 1:32 am | Tags: <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/?taxonomy=post_tag&term=aramco">aramco</a>, <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/?taxonomy=post_tag&term=iran">Iran</a>, <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/?taxonomy=post_tag&term=oil">oil</a>, <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/?taxonomy=post_tag&term=politics">Politics</a>, <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/?taxonomy=post_tag&term=saudi-arabia">Saudi Arabia</a>, <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/?taxonomy=post_tag&term=the-onion">The Onion</a>, <a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #2585B2;" href="https://caitlinjohnstone.com/?taxonomy=post_tag&term=war">war</a>
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