[Newspoetry] Y-2k

[Sam Markewich]

Y-2K SAYS PEOPLE ARE DUMB

In a recent panel discussion them media talked with the Y-2K and a panel
replete with the natural look of wood grain.  Both said in a pressed
conference today that "them media am dumb as said post."  The Post had
no reply, though the Times called the comment, "All the print that fists
the new."  During the conference the Y-2K axed such downright rhetorical
questions as, "A-wu-wu?!"  Only rhetoric himself could answer these, but
even she had by now left the building.  Y-2K's predictions for the past
were stark:  1) It will already happened.  2) Grammar in them media will
just get worser.  C) Lawn Darts will return with a vengence in urban
centers.  3) The bug will spread from computer chips to infect people
(eggspecially will effect Gerald "Harrison" Ford, who had a theater
named after him that got shot in the head didn't him?).  At the stroke
of midnights as Billy Squire's "Stroke me Stroke me" blasts through the
last gasp of humanism, all children will spontaneously abort their
parents, Dick Clark will be assassinated by Ed MacMahon, every human
sphincter muscle will malfunction and the price of cigarettes will make
nicotine a drug for the rich.  In a recent panel discussion them media
tried to wrap everything in this poem up neatly through the use of the
literary device known in the vernacular as "repetition".  (Oops!
another bomb just killed a few hundred people upside the head in the
proverbs.)  However, they used a quotation "on" accident, and the whole
in their headline unraveled to expose itself as twice cooked but/yet
paradoxically half baked.  Nobody noticed.  Not a one.  The Y-2K was
blown up by a land mine, shot forty-nine times by the NYPD, kicked off
welfare, had to take an exiting exam to graduate kindergarten and was
killed on the job.  Not to worry: he had a good HMO plan.  Oh yeah, did
I fail to mention we'll soon elect another president?

- Samuel David (jr.) Markewich