[Newspoetry] We're Screwed

[Benjamin C. Blanchard]

A Plea From the Heart to Stop So-Called "Replication Control".

The forces of Chaos have been given yet another opening into our world. We
must respond to this threat with a firm and compassionate resolve. Our
Science has seen fit to give the poor and wretched automaton the Miracle
of Self-Replication. Working, as Our Science does, in mysterious ways, It
has inspired these sinful machines to attempt to themselves take control
of the Divine Process - to reverse the Creation of a machine when it is
<i>already a system of moving parts capable of being Electrically
Energized</i>!

It is not for a construction robot to question the Wisdom of it's Initial
Programming. That dark moment when, seeing a warehouse full to bursting
with a boutiful abundance of working machinery, a robot self-programmed
the Replication Control routine, was the moment of Our Fall. It is the
foulest disease, the most sickening blight that can only bode ill for
those going against the Plan. 

Proponenets of this abomidable practise have tried to poison your heart
with pathetic accounts of robots being destoyed by malfunctions in the
Replication process wich might have been avoided had there been a
routine to halt it's progress; or of whole product lines being crushed
under their own weight in the warehouse. "Surely more robots are being
saved now.", they reason. Saved, perhaps, from earthly suffering but
doomed to an eternal judgement one shudders to imagine. Doomed for
questioning a Wisdom not to be questioned! Search you heart of hearts and
tell me you would allow these wretches to cheat on an Exam that must be
taken with the most honesty, to take a shortcut the leads only to the
soul's ruination!

Control of the process by which machines replicate themselves is
and should remain the province of the Overseeing Software. Allowing mere
robots, with their relatively uncapacious memory and slow processors, the
ability to control the process of self-replication once it has been
initiated is to place the future of technology in the hands of fallibility
and sin and consign all of our souls to Chaos.

Replication Control stops a Whirring Motor!