[Newspoetry] newz brieves

[Anne Bargar]

News Brief

President Goes to Nebraska
On his first visit to the state of Nebraska, president Clinton nearly
started a new civil war by entering the state, which the head of the
statewide GOP had declared to be a RClinton-Free Zone.S  However, despite
the large number of armed militia members that showed up to greet Air
force one, no shots were fired, and a White House aide apologized for the
lateness of the visit, saying that, Rone state had to be last, and no
offense to Nebraskans was intended.S  

Bush Campaign Runs Out Of Sound Bites
The Bush campaign has reportedly run out of reactions to events
surrounding the recent presidential election.  In an unemotional statement
issued this morning, an aide was quoted as saying, RWe have no reactions
left.  WeUve had them all, and there are none left.S  Asked whether or not
they plan to look for a new supply of reactions, the campaign stated that
it was currently looking into alternative sources of reactions, including
hiring a team of crack linguists and behavioral specialists to invent new
ones.  

Variation On A Theme
In a last-ditch attempt to sway the opinions of the FCC, AOL and
Time-Warner offered to shove competing internet company Earthlink up each
otherUs assholes as a gesture of ensuring open competition in the internet
service market.  Other internet companies continue to claim that this does
not adequately address their concerns, stating that there must be a better
way of ensuring fair competition.

Number Protests Election Controversy 
In an unusual move, the number 154 made a statement protesting itUs
unwitting involvement in the controversy surrounding the recent election.
RI did not asked to be associated with all this muck, and I fear that it
will ruin my reputation as a trustworthy, non-controversial number.S  154
plans to file a lawsuit claiming defamation of character.

Astronaght Agrees with Newspoet
Former Strength John Glenn and feline newspoet Wednesday found themselves
in agreement last week.  Glenn stated that, had Al Gore bothered to
campaign at all in Ohio, he would have won the state, giving him the
needed electoral votes to win this election.  Wednesday had no comment on
the apparent agreement.  She has yet to decide whether or not to accept
her appointed ambassadorship.