[Newspoetry] Fwd: Fw: "BUSH SUES SANTA"

[andy gricevich]

> > > **  BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS By S. Artist Reuters
> > >
> > > AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush 
>filed
> > > suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from 
>making
> > his
> > > list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate
> > > injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to
> > > effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good
>boys
> > > and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
> > >
> > > The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a
> > > federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all
> > repetitive
> > > and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list 
>as
> > > submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other 
>unnecessary
> > > modification."
> > >
> > > "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice.
>It's
> > > totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to
> > > check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again 
>must
> > > stop now," said former Secretary James Baker.
> > >
> > > Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf
>removing
> > > all boys named Justin from the 'nice' list, filing them under 
>'naughty'
> > > instead because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are brats."
> > >
> > > Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and
>blasted
> > > what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North Pole."
> > >
> > > "Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother 
>just
> > > walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID
>or
> > > nothing."
> > >
> > > Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct plea
>to
> > > St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing,
>and
> > > quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. 
>They
> > > demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has
> > already
> > > selected a name for the pony she's asked for.
> > >
> > >
> >      Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a spokeself said
>he was
> > > "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him.
> > >
> > > "He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said the
> > > spokeself. "He's just not feeling jolly."
> > >
> > > A weary nation can relate.
> > >
> >
>

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