[Newspoetry] From One of Those Right-wing Websites

[Mike Lehman]

But still funny...
Mike

BEWARE OF BREAD!

                  (From the Partnership for a Bread-Free America)


                  1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread
users.

                  2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in
bread-consuming                      households score below average on
standardized tests.

                  3. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It
has been                          proven that as little as one pound of
dough can be used to                          suffocate a mouse.The
average American eats more bread than                      that in one
month!

                  4. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

                  5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects
deprived of                         bread and given only water begged
for bread after as little as                      two days.

                  6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the
user to                           "harder"items such as butter, jelly,
peanut butter, and even                      cold cuts.

                  7. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was
baked in the                      home, the average life expectancy was
less than 50 years;                           infant mortality rates
were unacceptably high; many women died                      in
childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever,
and                      influenza ravaged whole nations.

                  8. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are
committed within 24                      hours of eating bread.

                  9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400
degrees                               Fahrenheit!That kind of heat can
kill an adult in less than one                      minute.

                  10. Many bread eaters are utterly unable to
distinguish between
                      significant scientific fact and meaningless
statistical                       babbling.