[Newspoetry] Martian Water Debate Continues

[Paul Kotheimer]

Martian Water Debate Continues
Summit held over pollution rights

GARY, INDIANA (Associated Poets).  U. S. Steel headquarters in Gary,
Indiana, played host to a worldwide summit this week, welcoming
representatives from a host of global corporations, including DuPont, 3M,
General Electric, and ExxonMobil.  The burning question:  If recent
speculations prove true concerning the existence of water in the southern
hemisphere of Mars, then what will be the most efficient and profitable
method of polluting that water?

Assembled experts agreed that "engineering industrial modifications" to
the ground water of the red planet would not be feasible without "some
cost-effective benefits for the end consumer," like strip mining, electric
power production, manufacturing, or plastics.   Contingency plans would
also need to be drawn up, in the event of the discovery of microscopic
life forms on Mars, for the legalized seizure of those life forms' water
supply and for the subsequent re-sale of water and water resources to said
life forms at a sufficiently significant profit.  

Corporate representatives from the European Union, pointing to the dawn of
the Industrial Age, suggested that one very effective use of any natural
water supply, terrestrial or Martian, was the incubation and spread of
fatal diseases among a working populace.  Scientists at several EU
think-tanks and affiliated institutions are hard at work right now, their
report stated, trying to isolate possible microscopic Martian life forms
that most closely resemble terrestrial cholera, dysentary, malaria, and e.
coli.

A keynote address by the Cuyahoga County (Ohio) Water Modification
Commission provided a note of optimism:  "Considering the lack of
abundance of water on Mars," their spokesperson pointed out, "achieving
maximum environmental impact will be a much easier job up there."

The most far-reaching and speculative plan, however, came from a
consortium of global petroleum companies headed up by ExxonMobil.  "If
there's water on Mars," stated ExxonMobil Chairmain Lee R. Raymond, "there
might be life.  If there's life, there might be fossils.  If there's
fossils, there might be fossil fuel deposits.  With this in mind,
ExxonMobil intends to engineer the first ever government-funded oil spill
cleanup on the Red Planet, with sweet dividends for all of our
shareholders."

Chairman Raymond's presentation was applauded resoundingly.

(POSSIBLE IMAGES TO INCLUDE:

http://www.space.com/images/v_moc_09_02.jpg
http://spaceflight.nasa.gov/gallery/images/mars/marsbases/med/s97_07840.jpg
http://www.exxon.mobil.com/shareholder_publications/c_fo_99/images/fo_p4ceo.jpg
http://www.exxon.mobil.com/shareholder_publications/c_fo_99/images/fo_p70.jpg

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