[Newspoetry] Cloning

[Sam Markewich 2]

TERM LIMITATION DEADLOCK: FORMER PRESIDENT TAFT, VICE PRESIDENT AGNEW CLONED!

	The state department reported today that former president Taft has
successfully become the first human ever to be cloned.  Though cloning a
human is technically illegal, the House Subcommittee on All Things
Technically Illegal took over the entire judicial branch of the
government for just long enough to rule that cloning of a human "on
accident", is not technically illegal.  The ruling was based on the 1896
"'Cause I said so!" precedent set by the Supremacist Court in
Brown-and-Serve V. The Bowl of Tapioca Pudding, the landmark case in
which no arguments were presented for why things are the way they are. 
The temporary coup of the judicial branch was pulled off, high officials
in the geometrically coolest looking of the government buildings said,
through means of an advanced military maneuver in which republican
representatives said, "Look!," while pointing towards the horizon behind
the judiciary officials' backs.  "The way this tactic worked," said
Admiral Stockdale of the Pentagon, "is that the judges turned their
backs to look just long enough for the coup to have the desired effect."
 This tactic had only been used once before, by the military in order to
start the Vietnam War unnoticed by the American public.  The decision to
use it again came just moments before former president Taft became
conscious for perhaps the first time in one hundred and fifty years.
	The cloning was the accidental result of an experiment in
biogenetically engineered planets performed by the Monsanto
Corporation's Two Earths for Every Developer science wing.  Scientists
attempted to mix genes from Tang Instant Breakfast Drink with genes from
Little Debbie Ho-Ho Snack Cakes in hopes of getting a rain-resistant
form of reservoir.  Yet, chief scientist Jack Ass reports that an
impatient crypto fascistic pseudopod accidentally "jacked off in his
deaf o.j." during the experimental phase of the experiment.  A tiny drop
of his "superfly sperm" fell into the genetic mix, which resulted in the
cloning of former President Taft.
	The cloning raised serious questions concerning term limitations, as
Taft had been president previous to the enactment of term limitations
for presidency.  The matter is complicated by the fact that Taft has
decided to run for the presidency in hopes of getting his brass bathtub
back, which now sits in the White House National Federal Republic of
Ronald Regan International Bathroom in the north-easterly-most west wing
of the White House.
	Still further controversy has arisen over another cloning which
happened when Monsanto accidentally dumped fifty pounds of genetically
modified feces into a centrifuge containing the split genes of a former
vice presidential hopeful and a former president.  The intended result
of the splitting of these genes in the project, known as the Geraldine
Ford Experiment, Monsanto officials say, was the development of a worser
tasting, high-yield, hybrid, sun-retardant strain of botulism that
tastes delicious.  Instead of this, however, with modified feces thrown
in the mix, former vice president Spiro T. Agnew was cloned. 
Complications arose this morning when Agnew in a deranged state
attempted a drive by shooting of President Clinton in hopes of becoming
the next president.  Analysts in Washington are unsure if Agnew's vice
presidential status technically would usurp that of Al Gore were Clinton
to find himself in the clutches of an unavoidable run in with death. 
Opinions are split, half appealing to the 1801 "I Got Here First!"
precedent in  Whitey, Whitey and Whitey V. Youpeople, half appealing to
the 14.5th amendment's "Oh Yeah!?" clause.
	While environmentalists express concerns that the Monsanto accidents
violate international law and may result in hitherto unknown actions on
the part of an elite group of craphounds in Washington, an official
spokesperson for Monsanto says, "We at Monsanto Share these concerns. 
We think these are things to be concerned about.  However, we don't
think there's anything to be concerned about."  (actual approximate
quote from a Monsanto official on Pacifica News on 3/6/00).