[Newspoetry] The REAL Story

[Mike Lehman]

Urbana, IL
(Associated News Poets)

According to anonymous reports, Newspoetry Inc.'s recent report that
their server is down due to it being moved is a patent lie to cover up a
massive and bitter strike by some 4,500 Newspoets at the Urbana
headquarters.  Pickets have surrounded the building at 1776
Countyboardsucks Dr. in support of the approximately 2,000 Newspoets
conducting a sit-in strike in support of higher wages, yearly month-long
trips to Jamaica, and the long-promised "free beer."

Spokespersons for Newspoetry Inc. are unavailable for comment.  Workers
on the picket line say the "free beer" issue is most important to them,
as the company is reneging on what the workers had considered to be a
previously settled issue.


Police SWAT teams are in a standoff with the picketeers and it is
reported that Governer Ryan will activate the Illinois National Guard as
soon as he can find the general in charge of pay-offs.  Members of GEO
have been infiltrating grilled cheese sandwiches into the plant in their
customary defiance of unjust and immoral labor laws.
                                     30