[Newspoetry] [Fwd: "The Awful Truth" vs. "Jesus" -- A message from Michael Moore]

[Mike Lehman]

FYI

TVNatFans at aol.com wrote:
> 
> 05.16.00
> 
> "The Awful Truth" vs. "Jesus": God Help Us, We're
> Back on Bravo Tomorrow Night!
> 
> Dear friends,
> TV sucks.
> 
> It really sucks.
> 
> No, I mean it. It sucks so bad that I am ready to join
> my wife and start reading books.
> 
> So, you ask, what the hell am I doing producing a TV
> series? Good question. I am convinced that I will pay a
> heavy price on Judgment Day.
> 
>    God: "So, you made TV shows?"
> 
>    Mike: "Yes, but...
> 
>    God: "Don't worry, it's a dry heat. Next!"
> 
> Of course, God will never admit to what really ticked him
> off -- that I put my TV show on opposite... "JESUS"!
> 
> No, it won't matter to him that some heathen scheduler
> at the Bravo network placed the debut episode of our
> second season on tomorrow night (Wednesday, May
> 17) at 10pm -- right smack dab in the final hour of the
> hit CBS mini-series on the life of His Son.
> 
> He'll just be steamed that I had the audacity to even
> show up to work on "His night." (Brits will not find
> themselves with this theological problem, as our show
> airs tonight --Tuesday--at 11:30pm on Channel 4).
> 
> He will demand to know why Americans were even given
> a choice.
> 
>    "Hmm, let's see what's on tonight, honey. There's uh,
>    something called "The Awful Truth," and then
>    there's...whoa! "JESUS!" I say let's go with our Lord and
>    find out what happens to Him in the final hour!"
> 
> Hey, I think everyone knows what happens in the final
> hour. But if you are one of the few who have been living
> under a rock for the last 2000 years and don't know
> what happened to Jesus at the end of his life, well, here
> goes - I'm just going to give the ending away:
> 
> THE ITALIANS KILL HIM!
> 
> Then a lot of weeping and forgiving and spearing goes
> on, a couple days later he comes back to life, and the
> first person he sees is a prostitute. He then hangs out
> for another 40 days, getting his 11 buddies ready to go
> out and love their neighbors, and after that he flies up
> to heaven -- where he's been pulling a 90 share in the
> ratings, in all demographics, ever since!
> 
> There. That's the story. You don't need to watch
> "Jesus." Trust me, he ain't watchin' it either.
> 
> So, now, after having risked the eternal fires of the
> bottomless pit for the above screed, I want to
> encourage you to phone the neighbors, fax the
> relatives, alert your friends, and e-mail all the ships at
> sea because WE'RE BACK TOMORROW NIGHT!!
> 
> "The Awful Truth," our Emmy-nominated television
> series, returns for a second season tomorrow night,
> Wednesday, at 10pm and 1am ET on the Bravo cable
> network, (check your local listings).
> 
> On the premiere show, you'll notice right away that I'm
> back on the street in Times Square to do the series. No
> more stage! No more live audience! Just the bums and
> low-life who still havent' gotten the message that Times
> Square is now DisneyWorld North. As many of you
> remember, we used the middle of Times Square as the
> set for our show, "TV Nation." Now the place is overrun
> with network morning shows, MTV, ESPN, and so many
> billboards it's like one big advertisement for Corporate
> America.
> 
> Just where we wanna be, in the belly of the beast.
> 
> In the first episode, we take off after this year's
> candidates for President, trying to force them in to a
> mosh pit. Then we take a 7-foot gun into the national
> headquarters of the NRA.
> 
> Karen Duffy and Ben Hamper, are returning as
> correspondents, and the head writer from the second
> season of "TV Nation," Jay Martel, will also be doing
> some reporting.
> 
> I know a lot of you don't have cable. But for this show
> to exist, uncensored, it has to be on a network with the
> guts to withstand any kind of pressure from the
> powers-that-be. That narrows the choices down to but a
> few, and none of them are on free TV. As the man once
> said, our "free press" is for them that own the presses.
> 
> Being on Bravo is a blessing. Intelligent, creative
> people who give us the space to make the kind of show
> we want to make.
> 
> I do promise you that both seasons will be available on
> home video, with the first season going on sale in a
> couple of months (details to follow).
> 
> The reviews are already coming in for our new season
> and we are overwhelmed with the response once again
> ("Entertainment Weekly" gave it an "A" this week --
> where were they when I needed them in high school?!).
> 
> So that's the news. PLEASE send this e-mail to people
> you know who would like to watch some provocative,
> subversive television that respects their intelligence (if
> you have unintelligent friends, send it to them, too,
> 'cause we have stuff for them also).
> 
> And Jesus, if you are reading this (and knowing you,
> you aren't using Satan's ISP, AOL!), please forgive me
> for going head-to-head with you on that other network.
> If we had our way, we'd go over there and change the
> ending so that you get to stay on Earth a little longer.
> Some people still don't get the part about the rich man
> will have a hard time getting into heaven.
> 
> Yours,
> Michael Moore
> 
> PS - Canadians, Australians and everyone else -- we'll
> let you know when the second season is coming your
> way.
> 
> PPS - Last week, we won a Rose d'Or at the Montreux
> (Switzerland) Television Festival. The Rose d'Or is
> considered to be one of the top television prizes in the
> world and it is the second time we have won (the other
> being for "TV Nation"). There are now over 20 countries,
> from Argentina to Jordan, that are carrying "The Awful
> Truth."
> 
> MMFlint at aol.com
> http://www.michaelmoore.com