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[Anne Bargar]

The Polls Revolt

The Polls revolted today
saying they would no longer allow themselves to be conducted.
"We are hampering the democratic process,"
they said in a joint statement.
"We are being used to set trends in politics,
rather than letting the trends set themselves."

Being used to predict the outcome of an election 3 months in advance 
"Gives you a 3-month migraine," said 34%.  
And The New York Times/ABC Poll 
(which has running non-stop on the internet)
said that not being allowed to sleep is tatamount to
"journalistic torture."

"I feel like I'm being used to tell people how to vote,
to discourage people from voting,
and to undercut the democratic prrocess,"
the poll said this morning.

"It's making me physically ill."
 
The Polls, in withdrawing from the race,
chanted, "Let the numbskulls figure it out for themselves,"
and "We're tired
We all have the flu,
And we want to go home."

Journalists are rumored to be
"Freaking out" at the revolt of the polls.
"I don't know what we're going to do,
one bewildered journalist said this morning.
We might have to start writing real articles."