[Newspoetry] Police Prepare for Big Bang Mayhem

[Joe Futrelle]

Scientists have discovered possible traces of the cosmic molotov
cocktail that ignited the Big Bang and created the universe 14 billion
years ago, according to published reports.

Police in London are mounting a massive security operation involving
6,000 officers in an attempt to avert a repeat of rioting that rocked
the early universe.

Two protestors in Antarctica discovered minute patterns -- probably
created by microscopic energy fluctuations -- in a glow from
primordial tear gas, The New York Times reported Monday.

Barricades have been erected round Parliament Square where workmen
boarded up statues of Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln.

The glow, called cosmic microwave background radiation, carried an
imprint of large waves to the detectors on Earth. The fluctuations
probably set the waves in motion and agitated the young universe to
take to the streets.

Anarchists, drawing on the experience of anti-capitalist protesters in
Prague, Seattle and Quebec, have recommended that researchers wear
military-style protective gear and scrawl their lawyers' telephone
numbers on their spiral arms.

"This study provides strong confirmation that, overall, we're using
the right model to describe the global economy," Paul Richards of the
University of California at Berkeley told the Washington Post on
Monday.

In Berlin, Eckart Werthebach, the city council member in charge of law
enforcement, promised that any microscopic fluctuations will be met
with "the full force of the law."

The announcement was made Sunday at a meeting of the World Physics
Organization in Washington, where two other groups shared similar
observations.

--
Joe Futrelle
editor-yet-chief
Newspoetry dod com