[Newspoetry] [info@adoptapuck.com: HELP STOP HOCKEY PUCK ABUSE!!!]

[Joe Futrelle]

Obviously this piece of spam addresses a major concern.

----- Forwarded message from NAPAHP <info at adoptapuck.com> -----
Date: Sun, 2 Dec 2001 21:54:48 -0500
From: "NAPAHP" <info at adoptapuck.com>
To: futrelle at ncsa.uiuc.edu
Subject: HELP STOP HOCKEY PUCK ABUSE!!!

Dear Recipient:
 
The time has come for you to learn the shocking truth about a despicable practice that runs rampant throughout our society: 

HOCKEY PUCK ABUSE - A NATION'S HIDDEN SHAME!!!

=======================================================================
For years, all across this great land of ours, hockey pucks have been battered, tortured, banged around, maltreated and yes, even ridiculed, causing these inoffensive rubber disks to suffer INCREDIBLE AMOUNTS OF TRAUMA, ANGUISH, AND PAIN!!!

We, at the National Association for the Prevention of Abuse to Hockey Pucks feel that it's about time that someone stood up for the lowly hockey puck.  Hockey puck abuse is a sickness that has pervaded the very core of our society and NAPHAP is doing its best to put a stop to this madness!  Our work is never ending.  Our cause is just and righteous. And we invite you to JOIN US IN OUR CRUSADE!
 
=======================================================================
HOCKEY PUCK ABUSE - WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!
 
Can you imagine the trauma a hockey puck goes through during the course of a typical hockey game? After nearly being frozen to death in a cold bucket of ice before the event begins, the hapless puck is then thrown onto the ice surface only to be clobbered by some big lout brandishing a hockey stick - This causes the unfortunate rubber disk to travel through the air at speeds up to 120 mph before coming to a dead stop as it smashes against the wooden side boards of the rink, a glass partition, a goalpost, or the goaltender's stick or 
face mask! 
 
Can you imagine THE AGONY!.. THE TORTURE!.. THE ASTOUNDING BRUTALITY OF IT ALL!!! 
 
This procedure is repeated time and time again throughout the game as the ill-fated puck is passed from player to player, and then shot at the goal at frightening speeds. The puck itself is secretly hoping to land in the goal net, to feel it's yielding softness, or else encounter the cushioned surface of the goaltenders pads or the sanctuary of the goaltenders catching glove, but more times than not coming to dead stop against A HARD UNYIELDING SURFACE! 
 
It's not a pretty picture.  What can you do to help us put an end to this brutality?

All we ask is that you visit our website at www.adoptapuck.com and find out the truth about Hockey Puck Abuse for yourself.

At our website: You'll find numerous examples of the kind of exploitation and torment that the typical hockey puck goes through during its sorry life... You'll have the opportunity to delve into hockey puck history... You'll discover how hockey pucks really like to be treated...


And you'll find out how YOU can help stop Hockey Puck Abuse by Adopting a Hockey Puck!!

=======================================================================
Wait a minute!... Are we out of our minds?... Are we nuts?... Are we for real?  Check out our website and see for yourself!  Click here: www.adoptapuck.com   - It may just be the wackiest website on the web.




 

 

 
If you would like to be removed from our mailing list, 
reply to this e-mail with ‘remove’ as the subject content. 

----- End forwarded message -----
--
Joe Futrelle
editor-toward-chief
Newspoetry dod calm