[Newspoetry] Bush Declares War on Obesity

[Joe Futrelle]

Bush Declares War on Obesity

Bethesda, MD (Associated Poets):

Surgeon general David Satcher announced today that obesity is responsible 
for 300,000 deaths per year in the United States, many times the number of 
people killed in the September 11 attacks.

George W. Bush was speaking to a group of retired shoe salesman and was 
hastily called away by secret service agents.

In an address to the nation from the Oval Office, he had strong words for 
the perpetrators of this, the largest crime on U.S. soil in three months.

"Today, America was attacked by the very food we eat.  We will find the 
perpetrators of these evil, despicable acts of gluttony and bring them to 
justice.  We will smoke them out of their smokehouses.  We will make no 
distinction between the cinnamon buns and triple cheeseburgers and the 
restaurants who harbor them."

Analysts interpreted this as a veiled threat against McDonald's, a 
well-organized network of franchises which operates training camps known as 
"Hamburger University".

Members of the Bush administration have already begun to call for greatly 
expanding the powers of the Food and Drug Administration, including the 
power to detain clowns indefinitely without bringing charges against them, 
and the right to seize information from local police organizations about 
the location of donut shops and other locations suspected of aiding in the 
production of weapons of mass consumption.


--
Joe Futrelle
editor-within-chief
http://www.newspoetry.com/