[Newspoetry] poetry

[Anne Bargar]

Rasputin Named To Head Special Presidential Committee on Miscellaneous
Faith-Based Initiatives

AP(Associated Poets) Washington- George W. Bush announced today the
creation of a committee to address any miscellaneous faith-based
initiatives that might pop up during the course of his administration, and
named famed Russian monk Gregory Rasputin as its head. 

"We're setting this committee up because something might pop and we might
want to address it in a faith-based sort of manner, and we don't know what
it might be yet.  I believe we've found just the right person to head it
up," Bush announced at a press conference today.  

"This thing is really going to benefit the American people."

Earlier this week, the White House tried to dispel any rumors that
Rasputin was trying to gain a position of influence within the
administration.  "No one is doing any wheedlin' to  get what they want in
my administration, least of all Mr. Rasputin ."

Evidently, Rasputin's reputation as a hard-to-kill mystic who could cure
hemophilia in royalty, as well as a drunk and womanizer, in late 19th and
early 20th century Russia will not affect his appointment to this
newly-created post.  "Mr. Rasputin might be from Europe, but he's no
communist.  Plus he's got some great qualifications.  Really, he does.
And that's what's most important, you know.  And he's got some great
plans.  That's really important too." 

Although the wisdom of this move has been questioned by both Congressional
Democrats and some members of the administration, there is little doubt
that Bush plans on going through with it.  Says one anonymous critic,
"Well, this certainly won't be the last stupid thing the idiot does."

Rasputin, who has allegedly been living in a very swank DC apartment at
government expense, could not be reached for comment.