[Newspoetry] cough hack

[Anne Bargar]

Fashion Trendz:
This Year's Upper Respiratory Tract Infection

This year's upper respiratory infection has proven to be the trendy
disease to get this year.  The infection, which is lasting for 2 to 6
weeks on average, is accompanied by many classic symptoms.  While some
people are contracting a nasal version of the disease, others are opting
for the more chest-oriented type.  And some folks are ending up with both
sets of symptoms.

According to Dr. Selma Brookhaven, analyst and spokesperson for the Center
for Infection Trends, this is also a high-quality infection.  "We haven't
seen this type of quality infection for a long time.  When a person
contracts this thing, there is no denying that they're sick."

Congestion and excessive coughing are among the most popular symptoms of
this years infection.  Also popular are low-grade fevers, sore throats,
chills and body aches, lack of appetite, and general crankiness.
Laryngitis is the least popular major symptom of this year's infection.

And, according to Dr. Brookhaven, mucus is really coming into its own
right now.  "We've never seen this much high-quality mucus before.  People
are having a lot of it, for an extended period of time.  While congestion
has always been the tried-and-true standby of the common cold, it really
is making a stronger showing than ever this year."

Also proving trendy are over-the-counter cold remedies.  "Of course,
there's nothing new here.  Cold remedies are always popular and they're
only somewhat effective.  But that doesn't keep people from flocking to
the drugstore to pick up the latest cough medicine, or a packet of cough
drops.  And with this infection, the popularity of tissues has soared.
People say that theyre going through three, four, and five boxes of them."

One sufferer, who would only identify herself as D, spoke with Fashion
Trendz about her infection.  "It started out as a sore throat, and then
became laryngitis.  After that, it settled into my nose for a lengthy
stay.  I've been blowing so much truly amazing snot out of my head that
I've considered opening a small business to help get rid of it.  This
stupid infection finally turned out to be bronchitis, with a touch of a
sinus infection."

And, according to D, there were some unexpected side effects.  "I've been
coughing so much, my ribs hurt.  But I did get to take these cool maroon
antibiotics."

Fashion Trendz asked Dr. Brookhaven for some parting remarks regarding
this year's upper respiratory infection.  "I'm not suggesting that anyone
come down with this thing.  Its pretty nasty.  But if you do, know that
you are getting one quality disease."