[Newspoetry] Newspoetry Begins Rolling Blackouts

[Joe Futrelle]

The Web (Associated Poets)

Ones of Netizens found themselves without poetry today as poetry
supplier Newspoetry-Schneertz Inc. began instituting rolling blackouts
across selected coverage areas.  Readers found parts of poems missing
and in some cases were redirected to "404" pages upon attempting to
read Newspoetry's website.

This drastic measure comes amidst a growing poetry crisis precipitated
by rising wholesale costs.  Newspoetry has already begun to
drastically reduce the amount of irony it supplies because of a sharp
rise in the cost of crude irony, driven largely by production cuts on
the part of the Irony Producing and Exporting Countries, or IPEC.  A
recent quarterly report showed that irony was off of its 2nd-quarter
high of nearly 50% to just under 20%.

But the blackouts point to a more critical situation.
Newspoetry-Schneertz continues to lose money; revenues remain flat at
$0 annually while expenditures total over $120.  The company has laid
off more workers than it has employed, a strategy which has done
nothing to reduce overhead.

Fortunately, President-elect George W. Bush has offered a plan to save
Newspoetry which has gained widespread unanimous grass-roots
septuapartisan support among a small elite class of his cronies and is
therefore an inevitability.  The plan calls to sell Newspoetry to
DisneyAOLTimeWarner which will: encrust the daily newspoem in several
layers of navigation menus jam-packed with blinking banner ads for
Nike, the Army ("An Army of One!"), Nabisco, and Pfizer; edit all
Newspoetry content for "family-friendliness"; and charge a $29.99/mo
access fee.

--
Joe Futrelle
editor-across-chief
Newspoetry dot calm