[Newspoetry] Missing

[Brian Hagy]

This just in.

We have just received word that my pen is missing.  My pen was last seen
two months ago, exchanging hands with a local politician.  That politician
is currently being questioned, as it is suspected that foul play is
involved.  A current theory, espoused by the pen's parents, describes the
relationship between the pen and the said politician as "demeaning of any
upstanding and functional pen."  The parents of the pen went so far as to
accuse the said politician of disposing of the pen, when the said
politician "was finished using it," weeped the mother of the pen.

Research staff of newspoetry(daught)com have begun an in-depth
investigation of this incident.  As of now, the following facts have been
unearthed.  It is known that then pen had been in a physical relationship
with the politician.  "I saw that pen coming out of the politician's
pocket many times," claims local resident Edna G. Williekers.  "I remember
when the pen was in the pockets of Mr. Hagy.  Ah, now those were the days.
But lately, it seemed like the pen was just willing to jump into any
pocket.  I, myself, don't think Mr. (beep), our fine politician, had any
illwill toward the pen.  But these days, you never know.  You just never
know."  It is also known that the pen was a Bic ball point, with blue ink
and a blue cap.  The end of the pen, it is reported, was overly chewed.

In light of this important news, all other poems shall be obscured and
only slightly reported on, so that we may keep you abreast of the events
of this tragic happening as they come to us.  This includes all poems
referring to deaths and explosions in Italy, environmental agreements
being slammed, and other trite and unimportant events.

Now back to your regularly scheduled broadcasting.