[Newspoetry] POEM

[Anne Bargar]

Dear First Amendment,

	We are sorry to inform you that we may have to terminate your
position under the new USA Patriot Act.  There are certain standards as
regards your position that have not been met, including the promotion of
our latest version of the War Product Line.  The problem that has been
brought to our attention is your constant undermining of our marketing
strategy by allowing both our competitors and those outside the industry
to critique our product and its many uses.  Your persistent allowance for
contradictory claims about the effectiveness of our product has made for a
drop in sales world-wide, and unless you cease and desist immediately in
your anti-company actions, we will begin to see a drop in domestic
consumption as well.  Social pressure alone is not enough to effectively
sell our product; our brand name must be constantly reinforced.  You have
been hampering our attempts to sell our image, and therefore, our product,
for entirely too long.   We will not tolerate further interference from
you or your agents.  You can expect to receive your pink slip next week. 
					
						Spitefully yours,
							
							The Asscrack
							Administration