[Newspoetry] shit hits fan

[Joe Futrelle]

Shit Hits Fan

THE WORLD (Associated Poets) -- The shit collided with the fan today 
in an apparent accident.  The shit was en route to the can when it 
spun out of control and made impact with the fan at around 8:32 GMT. 
No one was injured, but the ramifications of the accident are likely 
to linger.

Reaction to the event was mixed, although most analysts agreed that 
it was an accident waiting to happen.  "The proximity of the shit to 
the fan was something we've been paying very close attention to for 
some time," said Amanda Liszt from the Scripps Institute of 
Colonography.  Liszt said that recent events, such as the failure of 
Colin Powell to achieve a cease-fire in the Arab-Israeli conflict, 
the Bush Administration's embarrassment over its reaction to the 
recent coup attempt in Venezuela, the defeat of the proposal to drill 
for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and international 
horror at the massacre in the Jenin refugee camp have brought the 
shit dangerously close to the fan.

"These kind of shit-fan distances are well within the regime of 
typical shit-trajectory variance," explained Dr. Richard Tum of 
M.I.T.  Tum leads a team of researchers who are attempting to develop 
a unified theory of shit dynamics which would explain not only the 
current crisis but also ultimately the origin of the universe, which 
scientists believe occurred when a mother load of shit hit an 
unimaginably vast fan.  Tum's group hypothesizes that minor events 
such as this morning's collision are aftereffects of this so-called 
"big dump".

"Shit happens," Tum notes wryly, "the question is, how?"

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Joe Futrelle
person