[Newspoetry] shit hits fan

[John Wason]

Hahahaha!  A veritable tour de force!!  Thanks for the humor, Joe.

John


At 10:03 PM 04/18/2002 -0500, Joe Futrelle wrote:

>Shit Hits Fan
>
>THE WORLD (Associated Poets) -- The shit collided with the fan today 
>in an apparent accident.  The shit was en route to the can when it 
>spun out of control and made impact with the fan at around 8:32 GMT. 
>No one was injured, but the ramifications of the accident are likely 
>to linger.
>
>Reaction to the event was mixed, although most analysts agreed that 
>it was an accident waiting to happen.  "The proximity of the shit to 
>the fan was something we've been paying very close attention to for 
>some time," said Amanda Liszt from the Scripps Institute of 
>Colonography.  Liszt said that recent events, such as the failure of 
>Colin Powell to achieve a cease-fire in the Arab-Israeli conflict, 
>the Bush Administration's embarrassment over its reaction to the 
>recent coup attempt in Venezuela, the defeat of the proposal to drill 
>for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and international 
>horror at the massacre in the Jenin refugee camp have brought the 
>shit dangerously close to the fan.
>
>"These kind of shit-fan distances are well within the regime of 
>typical shit-trajectory variance," explained Dr. Richard Tum of 
>M.I.T.  Tum leads a team of researchers who are attempting to develop 
>a unified theory of shit dynamics which would explain not only the 
>current crisis but also ultimately the origin of the universe, which 
>scientists believe occurred when a mother load of shit hit an 
>unimaginably vast fan.  Tum's group hypothesizes that minor events 
>such as this morning's collision are aftereffects of this so-called 
>"big dump".
>
>"Shit happens," Tum notes wryly, "the question is, how?"