[Newspoetry] Public Intelligence Transmission Service

[Jay Morris]

(U.S.) The General Public today unveiled a new program to help put an
end to corporate crime in America, the most recent wave of which has
resulted in the loss of thousands of jobs and the dissolution of
countless pensions.

"We've been putting up with this bullshit for years" noted one
recently laid-off citizen, "and it's about time we did something about
it".

The new program, called 'PITS', will recruit approximately 250 million
Americans to monitor the activity of any corporations they come in
contact with.  Volunteers can anonymously report any suspicious
behaviour to the PITS headquarters using a toll-free hotline.  Bike
couriers, janitorial staff, photocopier technicians, and pizza- and
water-delivery personnel are thought to be among the most crucial
PITS'ters.

Unsurprisingly, Corporate Libertarians were unhappy with the new
program.  "This is a slippery slope" claimed Vice-President Dick
Cheney.  "Soon enough corporations will be forced to work toward the
public good, instead of functioning on the traditional greed-driven
philosophy that has done so well for us".  Cheney noted that without
greed, capitalism is pointless.

According to a PITS spokesperson "corporations can still be run on
greed, and they won't need to work toward the public good, but they
should at least stop screwing us over every chance they get".

Ken Lay was unavailable for comment.