[Newspoetry] Re: War on Terror (REVISED) use this one, sorry once more

[Scott Rettberg]

War on Terror Over, War on Dread to Begin

Today the White House declared a major
Victory in the war on the Terror, one
that, in fact, brings the conflict conclusively
to a close.

"My fellow Mericans, take pride.
We've rooted out the rascals, every last
one of them. They've come scurrying from their
caves and we hit them hard with air fuel bombs,
them terrorists are toast. I know taint proper
to say this on television, but my approval rating
is so high I feel I can confess that there aint nothing
like the smell of Napalm in the morning," said President
Bush, as he high-fived Rumsfeld.

The news was greeted warmly on Wall Street.
For a moment, everyone agreed that there was
no longer any cause for alarm, and the Dow Jones
Industrials rallied in early trading. Analysts
were speculating that we might soon be in the midst of
a Clinton-era-style boom. New concerns however
quickly materialized, and both the Dow
and NASDAQ sank in late trading, as at Vice President
Dick Cheney's afternoon press conference,
he announced that "While this is the singlemost
substantial Victory that the United States of America has
garnered since the last World War, we aren't
out of the woods just yet."

Cheney said that although the terrorists had
all been killed by the brave men and women of the
United States Armed forces, "A new war, one with
even ominous consequences and in need of larger defense
budgets," has just begun. "Ladies and Gentlemen, while
we have defeated the short sharp shocks of terror,
we now face an even mightier foe,
as we stare into the face of Dread."

Cheney explained that while terror, intense, overpowering
fear, is now a thing of the past,
having been defeated by superior conventional
weaponry, intelligence, and the recent
reorganization of the Federal Bureau of Investigation,
"Dread, in the Heideggarian sense, is still out there,
and demands our full attention. While we should by all
means take a moment to pat ourselves and our administration
on the back for a job well done, the terror which has been
in our faces since 9/11 has been supplanted by this
greater enemy, Dread, which is forever lingering on
the imminent horizon. It is hanging over our heads like
the Sword of Damocles. Just think about Anthrax
again for a moment. Think about Dread.
We must be ever-vigilant and I'm
declaring on behalf of the President a code-red from
now until the expiration of our second term. A code-red
in the War on Dread."

The Vice President explained that while the war on
Terror had made some small room for dissent, for free
speech, civil liberties and the like, the exigencies of
the new "scarier" War on Dread demand a suspension
of such luxuries. Like Terror, Cheney explained, Dread
might show its face at any time, but unlike Terror, Dread
is "Always there, hiding in the corners of your home."
John Ashcroft stood beside him, nodding solemnly.

The AP wire reports that
surviving members of the Al Qaeda and other former
terrorist groups have apparently switched their
allegiance to this new foe Dread, and will henceforth
be known as "Dreadists."

The FBI and other agencies will need more
resources to fight this new war, Chief Robert S.
Mueller explained in his afternoon address,
"and I don't really have time to explain it to you.