[Newspoetry] new automobile technology unveiled

[Editor-Within-Chief]

DETROIT (Associated Poets) -- General Motors researchers today announced a 
breakthrough which promises to increase the fuel efficiency of cars and 
trucks, and possibly supplant petroleum and hydrogen-based engine 
technologies.  In a brief press conference, the researchers demonstrated a 
small, two-seater prototype vehicle which they say runs on lies.

The announcement comes just weeks after the Journal of Applied Social 
Psychology published a study reporting that people tell lies on average 
once every five to ten seconds of normal conversation.  Lies appear to be 
plentiful, but General Motors researchers caution that the amount of power 
their engine can extract from a lie is proportional to how significant a 
lie it is -- in other words, the bigger the lie, the faster the engine 
runs.  Opinions about how much lies cost vary greatly, but most economists 
agree that bigger lies probably cost more.

Commercial application of the technology is several years off, but 
reporters treated to a demonstration of the prototype were impressed.  A 
reporter from the New York Times, once seated in the cramped cockpit of the 
car, announced that he was not a reporter from the New York Times, which 
caused the engine to rev up to several thousand RPM.  The engine appeared 
to be indifferent to the truth, with truthful statements causing no 
noticeable change in engine power.

Later in the press conference, General Motors executives said that GM is 
planning a series of hybrid gasoline-lie vehicles which will augment a 
conventional gasoline engine with a smaller lie-based engine.  The chief 
technical challenge seems to be keeping the engine from running too 
fast.  "Imagine if Nixon had been driving one of these during watergate," a 
researcher said solemnly.  When asked if consumers would want to lie 
constantly to keep their engines running, one researcher said they probably 
would, at which point the prototype engine stirred.  Another researcher 
pointed out that drivers of the hybrid vehicles could simply tune the radio 
to any popular music station, a comment about which the prototype engine 
was approvingly silent.


--
Joe Futrelle
editor-within-chief
http://www.newspoetry.com/