[Newspoetry] Sooks ~ Aee Wit O'Buck for Look Bovers

[Scott Rettberg]

 Hello from www.readtheunknown.com!

March 2002 Book Newsletter

Table of Contents   
Vol. 1 ­ Irish Sale 15% Sober All St. Patrick¹s Day Weekend!
Vol. 2 ­ The Unknown, How We Got Started (You asked, we answer!)
Vol. 3 ­ We Bring You Our Love of Ireland Collection
Vol. 4 ­ Books For Your Walls?! No Shelves Required!
Vol. 5 ­ The Importance of Good Condition
Vol. 6 ­ Quote of the Month, in Gaelic!!
========================
Volume 1  Irish Sale 15% Sober
To honor our Irish Heritage we are going to spend 15% of our time sober
March 15th -17th!  That's right, we'll be drunk the great majority of the
time, even when we're asleep!  We'll be drunk longer and better than the
amateurs.  Visit http://www.unknownhypertext.com/dublin.htm now!

Volume 2  The Unknown, How We Got Started
You asked, we answer! We were surprised that the very first question we were
asked was, How did The Unknown get started?  It came from Ohio and we were
on drugs!  Read between the lines at
http://www.unknownhypertext.com/transcript1.htm now! Story suggestions are
rewarded.  If we use your idea for a sequel or a for a blockbuster film, you
get Frank Marquardt in a french maid's outfit for two weeks to do what you
will.
 
Volume 3  We bring you our Love of Ireland Collection
We have assembled some very interesting and rare titles relating to Ireland,
all of which are Sam fucking Beckett and James fucking Joyce. These books
are hard to read and in the case of Beckett's trilogy very depressing as
well. Whatever you may have heard, Finnegan's Wake is fucking impenetrable!
But if you really love Ireland, you'll hole up for a couple months with a
case of Jameson's and a big bag of potatoes and nothing else and read until
you're finished or insane.  Go to
http://www.unknownhypertext.com/beckett.htm now!

Volume 4  Books For Your Walls?!
Some people use books as furniture, basically as a line item on the interior
decorator's bill. Bookshelves just look plain without them. Other poeople
use books that they have never and will never read to impress the dates that
they bring over to their apartments for tawdry one-night stands, i.e. "Why
yes, I'm quite sensitive. Just look at the Robert Frost and Emily Dickinson
I own. Allow me lick your ear." Other people don't even need the books for
this purpose -- merely owning for instance a Danielle Steele poster provides
the necessary intimation of intellectual activity. Now you too can have all
the fun of referring to books without dusting or moving them! You can tell
most of what you need to know about a John Grisham book by looking at the
cover anyway! 

Volume 5 - The Importance of Good Condition
Good condition is an important factor in determining the value of any
hypertext novel.  Even when considering ordinary hypertext novelists, an
author in very good condition will be worth more in an interactive live
reading type of situation than one who is not. In the case of the Unknown,
the most devoted fans will often come "with expectations" and often with a
myriad of substances that increase the challenge to perform. We aren't
getting any younger. Seems pretty basic? Well a lot of people do not realize
this simple fact. Dirk Stratton of the Unknown has developed a strict
regimen of physical exercise that the Unknown use in order to stay balanced
between say, 8 hurricanes apiece, a fat doobie, 30 Begniets and a very
formal academic presentation of their work at the AWP conference in New
Orleans. Learn more about this unique exercise program at
http://www.unknownhypertext.com/unknownclub3.htm

Volume 6  Quote of the Month This month¹s quote is ³Book Of Days²;
Ó lá go lá, mo thuras,
An bealach fada romham.
Ó oíche go hoíche, mo thuras,
na scéalta nach mbeidh a choích'.
  
>Monday, Tuesday, Happy Days
Wednesday, Thursday, Happy Days.
>Friday, Saturday, Happy Days,
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight.

The Unknown, An Anthology
240 Pages, Paperback
http://www.unknownhypertext.com/unknownanthologystore.htm
Fourteen bucks worth every penny, alright most of them.

Feel free to email us with comments or article suggestions.  If you have a
question we can use as an article, we would love to hear about it, ie "I saw
do you love me cat wandering why is the sky blue road and I thought that's
what is the square root of 6,987 lonely cat."  We want to make this
newsletter as interesting as possible.  If we use your idea, you get to buy
us a drink!

If you do not want to receive friendly emails about interesting books
from nice people, well then, fuck you. Just send us a message with "I'm
really uptight about shit" in the the subject line and you will receive no
future messages or invitations from us.