[Newspoetry] FW: Psychological/Psychological Warfare in Afghanistan

[Ranjan Banerji]

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as yet unattributed...but damn...

- --Ranjan

> -----Original Message-----
> From: araymond at howpubs.com [mailto:araymond at howpubs.com]
> Sent: Tuesday, March 12, 2002 1:16 PM
> To: intr1gue at yahoo.com; ranjan at banerji.net; 
> Dwight_Sora.YEA at yaskawa.com;
> craym61347 at aol.com
> Subject: Psychological/Psychological Warfare in Afghanistan
> 
> 
> French Intellectuals to be Deployed to Afghanistan to 
> Convince Taliban of
> Non-Existence of God
> 
> The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the 
> Allies revealed
> plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist 
> philosophers into
> the country to destroy the morale of Taliban zealots by proving the
> non-existence of God.
> 
> Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black 
> Berets', will
> be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency
> and existential anomie among the enemy.  Hardened by numerous
> intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris'
> Left Bank, their first
> action will be to establish a number of pavement Cafes at 
> strategic points
> near the front lines.
> 
> There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the 
> absurd nature of
> life and man's lonely isolation in the universe.  They will 
> be accompanied
> by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will
> further spread
> dismay by sticking their  tongues in the philosophers' ears every
> five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.
> 
> Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of 
> his confidence
> in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, 
> a very intense
> and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated 
> wildly and said,
> "The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most 
> ridiculous.  There
> is no God and I can prove it.  Take your Tongue out of my 
> ear, Juliet, I am
> talking."
> 
> Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's
> nauseating freedom
> of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and 
> the films of
> Alfred Hitchcock. However, humanitarian agencies have been 
> quick to condemn
> the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of 
> passive smoking
> from the Frenchmens' endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on
> civilians in the area.
> 
> Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also 
> contribute to the
> effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan 
> to propagate
> his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe. Other 
> tactics to
> demonstrate the non-existence of God will include the 
> dropping of leaflets
> pointing out the fact that Michael Jackson has a new album 
> out and Jesse
> Helms has not died yet.
> 
> This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the
> Allies.  
> 
> 
> 
> 

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