[Newspoetry] Suggestions on Avoiding Coconut Attacks

[John]

Hmmm.....

The below is written in traditional Tanka format
Usually in English it is styled as: 5-7-5-7-7
(haiku with two extra lines of 7 syllables)
However, in Japanese it is one long line of 31 syllables.  I decided the
ones below look better as one long line.

For more info on Tanka...
http://www.americantanka.com/about.html
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Suggestions on Avoiding Coconut Attacks

CBS tells us there's a greater risk of death from coconuts, but they only
provide tips for avoiding the shark attacks.

1)

Don't stand underneath a coconut tree during a hurricane.  It won't  provide
any protection. Seek shelter instead, you fool.

2) 

Don't climb coconut  trees without also wearing a helmet on your head.  This
will protect some, but you can still fall from the tree.

3) 

Don't read underneath coconut trees.   The law of gravity  doesn't need to
be rediscovered. Newton did that years ago.

4) 

Stay away  from all coconut trees if there is anybody named Gilligan within
ten feet. (Or if you're known as 'Skipper')

5) 

Convince your local  grocery store not to place coconuts higher than five
feet  off ground level. (You might still break a toe, though)


> http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/05/21/national/main509641.shtml
> 
> the story leads with the statistic that you are more likely to be killed by
> a falling coconut than a shark.  there are two pictures:
> 
> 1) a shark
> 2) a coconut
> 
> you could be staring death in the face or in the fuzzy shell, respectively.