[Newspoetry] Word Replacement Poem; Another TakeOver

[Donald L Emerick]

My dear Friends,

Listening to various Election Night chats on CNN,
I heard the former mayor of New York,
whose name I dare not guess at spelling
whose name I dare not say out loud
because to mention the Devil is to honor him,
to invite him into your home...

He offered the old bromide:
"If you aren't a liberal when you are young,
you have no heart --
but if you aren't a conservative when you are old,
you have no brain..."
as if he thereby could explain
the political tendencies of the American people,
as uniquely shown in most recent (re-)election contests

Yes, Election Fans,
the Incumbents everywhere won, yesterday,
by a general and universal landslide,
the same landslide that always slips one into us,
every two years...

As nearly as I could count,
the Incumbent Party contested 380+ House seats,
and lost only one or two contests...

Insiders say that the Incumbents generally
weren't involved in serious contests, though...
in quite a few districts, no one was running
at all against the Incumbent,
and in many others,
the Incumbent opponent failed to score more than 30%...

So, the Incumbent Party continued
its long control of the House of Representatives...

In the Senate, the Constitution is structured to keep,
by force of law, the Incumbent Party permanently in office,
for only a third of the Senators are even possibly subject
to democratic re-election in a given year...
though 2 of the 30 or so contested Senators lost,
handing the Incumbents
their largest institutional losses
for the evening (2%)...

The President and his multi-headed agencies
(like multi-headed beasts of fables)
were not up for re-election, either,
so that was a gimme for the Incumbent Party.

Finally, in the biggest gimme of them all,
none of the federal judiciary were forced to risk
any of their life-time tenured Incumbent Party seats,
so all of them will continue in office,
possibly until they shuck off these mortal coils...

So, where is there any evidence for this thesis,
where is this brain or that heart
that the ex-mayor invokes, by incantation,
to explain the (re-)election outcomes?

I mean, voting the Incumbent Party
requires neither brains nor heart,
(it is necessary for voters to have neither,
for elsewise they would vote against Incumbent Party candidates
and defy the laws of political gravity and its political gravy trains),
according to some little remembered, often forgotten, law of Physics,
that Sir Isaac wrote, when he represented Science,
something about how things continue as they are
unless a will intervenes to make things otherwise...

Technically, a conservation law is conservative:
what's going on will keep on going on,
and what's asleep at rest will stay asleep at rest...

So, Nature alone explains almost always
almost every election day outcome,
and the ex-mayor's hypothesis is
as redundant as an irrelevancy,
hypotheci non fingo OR tertium non datur,
(fictions are pointless when facts are evident OR
facts are pointless when fictions evidently rule)

But, there is a deeper shortcoming
in the ex-mayor's glib statement...
for the statement implies that
hearts develop before brains do...
and yet, as the ex-mayor was never  a liberal,
I know that he has never had a heart,
and if he has never gone through
that stage of the development cycle,
then I also know that he has no brain,
and therefore is no proper conservative, either...
at least, not by the logic that he pretended to offer us...
and, I suspect that almost all of the idiots
who parrot this old bromide at me
(Polly want a Cracker?  Hell!  Polly is a Cracker...)
are likewise lacking a brain
and could not, then, be proper conservatives...

Now, these insights,
which are natural conclusions of logic,
available to anyone who has both a heart and a brain,
lead me to one more inference,
consistent with the clausal terms
in the bromide's propositional logic:

It is evident that the brain only develops
to preserve, protect and project the heart.
One would be a proper conservative, then,
only when one preserves, protects and projects
the liberalism of the heart
that ought to be at the core of one's being...

Hence, we would know that,
were this developmental metaphor true,
the ex-mayor is some exotic deviant conservative,
a parasitic conservative,
(an alien species, as our E-i-C so wisely reports)
because he conserves no liberalism of his youth...

Thanks for listening,
Donald L Emerick