[Newspoetry] Newspoem -- Golfing on Everest

[Robert Porter]

Golfing on Everest

Ever since I was a child
My greatest dream has been to golf
At the Summit of Mount Everest

I wanted to feel the chill wind on my face
As I teed off
At the top of the world

I know some think me foolish
They say I've got too much money and free time
But I knew I'd prove them wrong

Because I wasn't just doing this for me
I was doing it for America
Where golf is every man's birthright

I wanted to prove that these colors don't run
That we're proud of our troops
And our golfers

But then that stupid Brit
That whiny limey wuss
Had to get in my way

OK I slipped
It isn't easy climbing Mount Everest with a golf bag
Who knew he'd get knocked off that ledge?

I did help him back up
And I'm sorry about his broken leg
But I had a four o'clock tee off

OK I know he had to crawl back down the mountain
I guess it took a couple of days
But he made it didn't he?

Anyway it wasn't like he was trying to set a record
He was just raising money for some disease
I wanted to golf on Everest for my country

What's the big deal?
I was going for it
Don't be such a buzzkill dude

You just hate America
What are you
Some kind of terrorist?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/2974336.stm