[Newspoetry] Xenophobia Today: FrancoPhobia

[Donald L Emerick]

don.emerick - 06:38pm Mar 11, 2003 EST (# 4878 of 4878)  

Francophobes would hate to recall the old proposal of the Turks to call all of Christendom "Frankestan", after the habits of then-geographers of such regions. 

But, the same text in which I picked up this little nugget also recites many other so-called "national" characteristics of French peoples, almost to the point of explaining why diplomacy, bearing on the so-called feminine side of forgiveness and reconciliation, was commonly a French language practice. (See Kant, From an Anthropological Point of View.) 

And, having scanned the news, poetically, I see that congressional republicans have made various anti-French gestures, such as renaming French fries, which were never French anyway, to be Freedom Fries. 

In that vein, in a secret GOP caucus move, which was attended only by some dead flies on wallpaper, the GOP began preparing legislation to renounce the French gift of the Statue of Liberty. 

"First of all," the bill yet to be enrolled says, "the Statue is frankly feminine, wrapped in a robing dress. Clearly, only a masculine figure of war from antiquity could symbolize the bringing of liberty to the world, because only wars could protect freedom and promote liberty." 

"Second of all," the bill sponsors said, "the Statue is not only wrong as a matter of material causation and historical necessity, but also it is antiquated, failing to reflect the anti-post-modern ideas of freedom embraced by Patriot Acts I and II. The fact is, freedom means complete unanimity with and submission to the will of the Party leadership: a fact that we House Republicans have already adopted in our revised rules for party organization in the House." 

"Third of all, the Statue is nothing more than a blockade to trade, standing astride the NewYork Harbor, distracting pilots on ships and planes from the transportation business of America -- an industry sorely in need of fewer distractions." 

"Fourth of all, the Statue is a terrorist magnet, and this is not just because it is made of metal. All sorts of strange people have been seen in its environs, and many of them have been heard mouthing all sorts of seditious French kinds of ideas, like the words of Voltaire, Rousseau or Derrida. Liberty Island is just an associational haven for terrorist mavens." 

"Fifth of all, and finally, the French gave the thing to us -- but it is like a Trojan Horse. Who knows how many French notions are hiding in it, waiting to spring out upon us, when we are asleep?" 

"Be it therefore resolved, by the Congress of the United States, that France be directed immediately to disarm and to destroy the Statue of Liberty, in full and complete compliance with this resolution, or face the most dire and serious consequences imaginable." 

(And, in footnote to the affair, one GOP loyalist said personally, "We certainly don't want that towering rust heap spoiling our vision of the horizon of our National Convention in New York next summer, but it is too early to set a deadline, yet. Maybe, this time, inspections will work and we can bring this statue down peacefully, without having to nuke the harbor.") 

Thanks for listening, Donald L Emerick, newspoet
(As posted in an NYT opinion column today
responding to contemporary manifestations
of xenophobia in the guise of Francophobia.)



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