[Newspoetry] Privatizing Hell?

[DL Emerick]

Privatizing Hell

For centuries the largest single and most central governmental monopoly has been, simply, Hell.

Satan doesn't even have a board of directors to advise Him on new directions, new services, nor to critique old policies, old practices.  He even sets his own compensation and benefits, without any regard to what similar executives for other universes might be receiving.  He never issues even a single annual report, accounting for the corporation's many nefarious activities.

Moreover, because of the huge glut of current leaders in America slouching slyly on down toward Hell, Hell's future is almost a sure thing.  You can't lose money gambling on this stock's future, because Hell is no longer a risky business!  It's a sure thing, a snap, a cinch.  In the surety world, Hell is the new gold standard for certainty!

Yes, yes, the anti-trust laws have some little applicable language left to them -- even though this monopoly has totally captured, even captivated, the market and its capitalists -- its investor class.  But fears of such action do not take into account how morally compromised the current leadership class truly is -- despite all their massive advertising to the contrary.  A share of Hell is still all the rage on the market, today!  Its asking price is nearing the infinity of its futures price!  We recommend buying madly into Hell, at whatever price it takes to get in on this hot, hot action!

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the market, Puts and Straddles are running high against Heaven.  We recommend continuing programs of selling it short and shorter every day, as the idea of the Good has reported massive losses in recent months and years.  No one even plans to go to Heaven anymore; it's just as defunct as Disney Corp. is to the Investor Class!



don.emerick - 11:42 AM ET April 22, 2005 (#1753 of 1753)

old liberalism and new radicalism...
http://forums.nytimes.com/top/opinion/readersopinions/forums/editorialsoped/opedcontributors/index.html?offset=1881
...

The logical inference, truly, about the GOP is that they believe there is no public interest whatsoever in having any government whatsoever -- and certainly none that takes any expansive notions of the self as the foundations of self-governance, as if fundamental moral values centering upon caring for others could be completely ignored and trampled under by the architects of public anarchy (and of a privatized totalitarianism) who now run the GOP.