[Newspoetry] Gallup Polls are never wrong.

[DL Emerick]

Gallup Polls are never wrong.

GP of the GoP today admitted a state secret.  Gallup Polls are never wrong, he declared.  When asked about last year's disputed elections, and other recent GoP miracles at the ballot boxes, in 2002 and 2000, Gp stated, "Well, you just have to believe we know a lot more about counting the votes than is known to the general public."

"For instance, he said, a lot of people think that a vote is just a vote, a mark on a ballot.  But, actually, we have long known how complex it is to represent a vote with just a single mark on a piece of paper.  In fact, we at GP and at the GoP recognized the complexity some years ago.  When we started looking at the problems of elections in a democracy, we decided that traditional "real" numbers were simply to unresponsive to the challenges of voting in a democratic republic."

"We therefore began expressing elctionss internally in a more suitably complex format.  In fact, we learned that mathematics had invented complex numbers just for such purposes, to better represent numerical, quantitative entities.  You see, in a complex number, there is a representation that has a real portion and an imaginary portion.  As expected futures shift into actual events, real and imaginary portions undergo rotations and transformations, usually of a linear variety -- making them quite predictable."

"So, we have been counting votes, weighing these real and imaginary portions, with imaginary operations, to project elections.  We are quite confident that are methodology is sound.  Of course, Democrats are decades behind us in these techniques, a reflection of their old style livberalism, which still thinks that a vote is simply a vote, a mark on a piece of paper, as the surest way of indicating a voter's intent."

"we have overcome such narrow prejudices here at GP and in the GoP.  We know a vote, counted without it's imaginary portion, is simply a way of ignoring what ought to be said to have happened in the election.  All the reports to the contrary are simply erroneous.  the GoP did not steal any leections, they simply have been more responsive to the imaginative use of power to assure a more adequate outcome to elections that they would have otherwise lost."

"Let me say again, the GP and the GoP are never wrong, when it comes to conducting elections, in a fair and democratic way, insuring their stay in power.  Thank you."