[Peace-discuss] Fw: [pf] Bill of Rights Pared Down to a Manageable Six

[Joan Cole]

> http://www.theonion.com/onion3847/bill_of_rights.html
> Bill of Rights Pared Down to a Manageable Six
>
> WASHINGTON, DC-Flanked by key members of Congress and his administration,
> President Bush approved Monday a streamlined version of the Bill of Rights
> that pares its 10 original amendments down to a "tight, no-nonsense" six.
>
> A Republican initiative that went unopposed by congressional Democrats,
the
> revised Bill of Rights provides citizens with a "more manageable" set of
> privacy and due-process rights by eliminating four amendments and
condensing
> and/or restructuring five others. The Second Amendment, which protects the
> right to keep and bear arms, was the only article left unchanged.
>
> Calling the historic reduction "a victory for America," Bush promised that
> the new document would do away with "bureaucratic impediments to the
> flourishing of democracy at home and abroad."
>
> "It is high time we reaffirmed our commitment to this enduring symbol of
> American ideals," Bush said. "By making the Bill of Rights a tool for
> progress instead of a hindrance to freedom, we honor the true spirit of
our
> nation's forefathers."
>
> The Fourth Amendment, which long protected citizens' homes against
> unreasonable search and seizure, was among the eliminated amendments. Also
> stricken was the Ninth Amendment, which stated that the enumeration of
> certain Constitutional rights does not result in the abrogation of rights
> not mentioned.
>
> "Quite honestly, I could never get my head around what the Ninth Amendment
> meant anyway," said outgoing House Majority Leader Dick Armey (R-TX), one
of
> the leading advocates of the revised Bill of Rights. "So goodbye to that
> one."
>
> Amendments V through VII, which guaranteed the right to legal counsel in
> criminal cases, and guarded against double jeopardy, testifying against
> oneself, biased juries, and drawn-out trials, have been condensed into
> Super-Amendment V: The One About Trials.
>
> Attorney General John Ashcroft hailed the slimmed-down Bill of Rights as
"a
> positive step."
>
> "Go up to the average citizen and ask them what's in the Bill of Rights,"
> Ashcroft said. "Chances are, they'll have only a vague notion. They just
> know it's a set of rules put in place to protect their individual freedoms
> from government intrusion, and they assume that's a good thing."
>
> Ashcroft responded sharply to critics who charge that the Bill of Rights
no
> longer safeguards certain basic, inalienable rights.
>
> "We're not taking away personal rights; we're increasing personal
security,"
> Ashcroft said. "By allowing for greater government control over the
> particulars of individual liberties, the Bill of Rights will now offer
> expanded personal freedoms whenever they are deemed appropriate and
> unobtrusive to the activities necessary to effective operation of the
> federal government."
>
> Ashcroft added that, thanks to several key additions, the Bill of Rights
now
> offers protections that were previously lacking, including the right to be
> protected by soldiers quartered in one's home (Amendment III), the
guarantee
> that activities not specifically delegated to the states and people will
be
> carried out by the federal government (Amendment VI), and freedom of
> Judeo-Christianity and non-combative speech (Amendment I).
>
> According to U.S. Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID), the original Bill of Rights,
> though well-intentioned, was "seriously outdated."
>
> "The United States is a different place than it was back in 1791," Craig
> said. "As visionary as they were, the framers of the Constitution never
> could have foreseen, for example, that our government would one day need
to
> jail someone indefinitely without judicial review. There was no such thing
> as suspicious Middle Eastern immigrants back then."
>
> Ashcroft noted that recent FBI efforts to conduct investigations into
> "unusual activities" were severely hampered by the old Fourth Amendment.
>
> "The Bill of Rights was written more than 200 years ago, long before
anyone
> could even fathom the existence of wiretapping technology or surveillance
> cameras," Ashcroft said. "Yet through a bizarre fluke, it was still
somehow
> worded in such a way as to restrict use of these devices. Clearly, it had
to
> go before it could do more serious damage in the future."
>
> The president agreed.
>
> "Any machine, no matter how well-built, periodically needs a tune-up to
keep
> it in good working order," Bush said. "Now that we have the bugs worked
out
> of the ol' Constitution, she'll be purring like a kitten when Congress
> reconvenes in January-just in time to work on a new round of
> counterterrorism legislation."
>
> "Ten was just too much of a handful," Bush added. "Six civil liberties are
> more than enough."