[Peace-discuss] clairvoyance.

[Morton K.Brussel]

Enjoy.

A letter to the London Observer from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty Python 
fame).
 > >
Letter to the London Observer
Sunday January 26, 2003


I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: 
he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been 
really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the 
street.

Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give 
me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for 
me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.

I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but 
he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr  
Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources – 
that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer.

I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, 
he'll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the 
police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they 
need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll 
come up ith endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs 
of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalizing 
his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly 
murdering people.

Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic 
firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently 
that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made 
it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can 
wade in and do whatever I want!

And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq 
is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The 
one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting 
the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never 
threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and 
children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us 
in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr 
Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is 
that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass 
destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as 
much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr 
Bush has for bombing Iraq.

Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a  safer place by 
eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'.

It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when 
you've achieved it?

How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every 
single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once 
he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These 
are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known 
terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a 
future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective 
until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate 
Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe 
thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of 
the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't 
like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be 
really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be 
going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the 
President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough 
reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give 
the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and 
hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and 
interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over 
nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to 
kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in 
contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
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