[Peace-discuss] Republican check-list

[Chuck Minne]

Things you must believe to remain a Republican today:
 
a. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're 
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for 
your recovery
 
b. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest 
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
 
c. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but 
crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of 
illness.
 
d. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their 
jobs to India.
 
e. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but 
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind 
without regulation.
 
f. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary 
Clinton.
 
g. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in 
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
 
h. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for 
Governor of California as a Republican.
 
i. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
 
j. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then 
demand their cooperation and money.
 
k. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
 
l. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health 
care to all Americans is socialism.
 
m. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but 
creationism should be taught in schools.
 
n. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's 
daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad 
guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
 
o. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable 
offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is 
solid defense policy.
 
p. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, 
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
 
q. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but 
George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
 
r. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft 
can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
 
s. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but 
what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
 
t. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade 
with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.



Read about Origen's tragic blunder, in Patrick O'Brian's Humorous Passage #1 at my website: www.angelfire.com/mi4/cmin/ For even more fun, click on this: SMILE

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