[Peace-discuss] Steinbrenner Acquires Nuclear Weapon

[David Green]

STEINBRENNER ACQUIRES NUCLEAR WEAPON
Trades Alex Rodriguez to Kim Jong-Il

New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner acquired a
nuclear weapon 
today
in a transaction that sent slugger Alex Rodriguez and
an undisclosed 
sum of
cash to North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il.

While national security experts were divided over what
possible use Kim
might have for the All-Star infielder, there was
unanimity of opinion 
about
Mr. Steinbrenner¹s plans for his newly-minted nuclear
arsenal.

³The warhead that George Steinbrenner has acquired, if
deployed on a
ballistic missile he already owns, could reach Fenway
Park in a matter 
of
minutes,² said Donaldson Tobin of the University of
Minnesota.

Dr. Tobin, who studies the complex web of
relationships between rogue 
states
and baseball owners, said that no one should be
surprised by the 
transaction
between Mr. Steinbrenner and Kim Jong-Il: ³They¹ve
been friends since 
the
late 1980¹s, when they met at an Axis of Evil golf
outing in 
Scottsdale.²

As for the deal itself, Dr. Tobin believes that Mr.
Steinbrenner may 
have
gotten the better of his North Korean counterpart:
³For all we know, 
Kim
Jong-Il may think that ŒA-Rod¹ means the same thing as
Œfuel rod.¹²

On the campaign trail in Ohio, Democratic presidential
nominee John 
Kerry
blasted President George W. Bush for allowing a weapon
of mass 
destruction
to fall into the hands of the mercurial Yankees owner.

³Thanks to the failed policies of George Bush, it is
now easier to get 
a
nuclear weapon than a flu shot,² Mr. Kerry said.

Elsewhere, Teresa Heinz Kerry apologized today for
saying that Laura 
Bush
never held a real job, noting that for the past
twenty-seven years Mrs. 
Bush
has worked with the mentally impaired. 



		
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