[CHANGES] What will satisfy you?

[Sandra Ahten]

I recently received this email from one of my clients.

Dear Sandra,
I am so disgusted with myself. I make a plan weekly, just like you suggest 
--and actually follow it for 3 or 4 days. But then I start feeling deprived 
and think I need a candy-bar shake. I head to the ice cream stand and order 
myself a large of my absolute favorite and then have it topped with whip 
cream. From then on:  I'm off to the races. I know I committed to writing 
down what I ate as a way to stay conscious of my food choices, but when I 
get like this I just stop journaling. I feel so guilty and I'm tired of 
doing this week after week. I'm not losing weight. Though I'm glad I haven't 
regained the 45 pounds, I have to do something differently. I saw my doctor 
last week and I'm looking at knee replacement unless I do something pretty 
drastic this year. But even the threat of that doesn't seem to help.

Signed, “Barb”
-----
Barb has identified her stumbling block as milkshakes. Being unable to 
resist them seems like the perfect reason for Barb to throw her hands in the 
air, give up on her diet and then to overeat for the rest of the week.

I challenged Barb, as she gets in her car to burn rubber down to the ice 
cream stand, to stop and ask: "What would really satisfy me? Would a small 
shake eaten really slowly satisfy me? Would I need a shake every day to 
satisfy me? Would three shakes a week satisfy me?"

The key is to ask this in a respectful tone of voice with no sarcasm. Listen 
for the answer. If Barb felt that a small shake three times a week would 
satisfy her, then wouldn't it be better to have those shakes, feel 
satisfied, and stay with the rest of her plan? If instead she throws up her 
hands in resignation and heads "off to the races," she might well be 
consuming calories that surpass even three shakes.

Perhaps Barb will answer, "Just a small shake tonight will satisfy me. I 
don't think I'll want one tomorrow, but I'm just dying for the escape, the 
taste, the pleasure right now." Perhaps she will come to the realization 
that no number of shakes will ever satisfy her, that she is tired and lonely 
and is eating to fill the space left in her life by the loss of her partner. 
It might give her the opportunity to try to fulfill her needs in some other 
way. Or she might decide to have the shake and acknowledge while she's 
eating it that it comforts her and that she deserves to have comfort in her 
life. This is a huge step toward getting the comfort that we desire from 
food. There is no point in eating food for comfort and feeling guilty while 
you do it. If you are eating for comfort allow yourself the comfort.

Sometimes this is a deep process and we can get to some deep answers. Other 
times it is just a way to give pause, a time to think about actions and 
consequences. Last night I made a lovely dinner: a salad with leaf lettuce, 
red onion, feta cheese, and pine nuts; baked sweet-potato fries; grilled 
"turkey mignons". When the salad and fries were gone and I was about halfway 
through the turkey, I realized that I didn't really need the rest of it. Of 
course that wasn't going to stop me from eating it—as a member of the clean 
plate club I was trained well! But I stopped and asked myself, "Ok, then how 
much more of it are you going to eat? How much will satisfy you?" I paused 
and realized that I'd feel satisfied packaging the rest for my lunch today 
and saving points for a fudge bar before bed.

I felt completely satisfied in stopping, though I did experience some 
initial discomfort. Remember that changing habits requires some discomfort. 
My habit is to clean my plate. It was uncomfortable to stop eating when 
there was still food left. But giving myself pause by asking the question 
allowed a real choice, instead of just my habit, to surface.

By asking yourself, "What would truly satisfy me?" you are giving yourself 
opportunity to respond less automatically, less by habit, and more 
creatively. In this way you can get your needs met AND create a plan that 
will not sabotage your goals.

Consider the words of author Juliene Berk: "Habits--the only reason they 
persist is that they are offering some satisfaction. You allow them to 
persist by not seeking any other, better form of satisfying the same needs. 
Every habit, good or bad, is acquired and learned in the same way--by 
finding that it is a means of satisfaction."

-----------------------------
Spring is the perfect time to make CHANGES to your life that will result in 
healthy weight loss and more energy. Most people don't lose weight in 
November or December, so in reality it is only 7 months until the holidays 
start! Let me help you get and stay on track between now and then.
I am accepting clients in my private diet coaching practice and also have 
room in my groups that meet on Tuesday or Saturday morning or Tuesday at 
5pm. Let me know if you would like more details.

Sincerely,
Sandra