[Newspoetry] A Christmas Tale

[Mike Lehman]

I stole this, but it's still funny.
Mike

One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for
his annual trip... but there were problems
everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not
produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa
was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs
Claus told him that her Mom was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more.

He went to harness the Reindeer, he found three of them were about to
give birth and two had jumped the fence and were
out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the
sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag
fell to the ground, and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went back into the house for a cup of coffee and a
shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard,
he discovered the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to
drink. In his frustration, he accidently dropped the
coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the
kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was
made from. Just then, the doorbell rang and
Santa cussed his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a
little angel with great big Christmas Tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it
just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.