[Newspoetry] anybody want to revise this?

[William Gillespie]

Today the impeachment thing is over. Some of the newspapers are
relieved. Most are just plain depressed.

The Chicago Tribune and the Champaign-Urbana News-Gazette had a
conversation in the locker room. The Tribune took off its headline -
CLINTON ACQUITTED, and toweled off the ink to get ready for tomorrow's
news. The Gazette sat on the bench looking dejected, smoking. Its
headline read SAD ERA COME TO AN END.

The Tribune snapped its towel at the Gazette and said:

"Cheer up. A sad era has come to an end. Let's go get drunk to
celebrate."

The Gazette sighed and turned to section D - "news." SOME SCHOLARS FEAR
POLITICS NOW DAMAGED PERMANANTLY. "I can't go on." The Gazette said.

The Tribune laughed. "POLITICS DAMAGED PERMANENTLY. That's great. No
more politics as usual, eh? Maybe we'll have to resort to Democracy.
Where do your writers get that shit?"

"Knight-Ridder. Associated Press. The wire, the can, you know. I don't
have writers." The Gazette peeled off its headline in disgust and tossed
it into its locker. "I miss the Courier. Now that I'm the only paper in
town I don't even feel like trying to interest readers." the Gazette
admitted.

"Geez, you're taking this too hard. Come off it, you're paper. You can't
even get a blowjob - you'd dissolve."

"I wish I were a romance novel."

"Quit it. Let's go out to the Billygoat, or how about the Courier Cafe,
c'mon."

"You don't know what it's like to be a conservative paper."

"Are you kidding? Of course I do."

"To be an apparatus of a small and narrow-minded set of right-wing
business interests."

"I am. The only difference between you and me is that I am
better-written. As in: written at all."

"Yeah, yeah. BOTH PARTIES, IN THE END, TIRED OF WHOLE ORDEAL. Why did
they do this to me. My reputation is ruined. My reputation both as a
credible news-source and as a family-oriented paper."

"Don't worry, there'll be another war."

"Great. Are you trying to cheer me up. CENSURE LOSES STEAM AFTER
ACQUITTAL. It's like the whole thing was a tedious episode that went on
to long. Now the conservative-owned media have been fucking America for
a year, now its finally shot its wad and fucking fell asleep. America is
lying there dissatisfied and a little horrified listening to the right
wing snore, not sure whether it will ever read, or take an interest in
events. God, I'm tired."

"Take off that news and lets go out. I'm starving. Can I get a smoke off
you, man?"

"Yeah, okay. It's over. I hope it's finally over. No more pictures of
Clinton looking apologetically at his feet, lower lip stuck out."

"Right. No more L-word, no more dissatisfying jokes, no more cigars and
semen."

"I just hope..."

"What?"

"Hillary doesn't run for president."

"Ugh. She'd do a fine job, but..."

"Yeah, imagine her retired hubby running around in that White House with
no responsibilities. The trouble he'd get into, and we'd have to
transmit the details to the public."

"Forget it."

"Like a disease."

"Stop. Enough."

"Okay. I've always wanted to ask you. You're a conservative downstate
small-town paper. Why do have a photo of the Chicago 8 in your locker."

"They're my heroes."

"You dog. Does your boss Ms. Chinigo know?"

"She don't hang out in the locker room much."

The sargeant says, get ready boys. And fire.