[Newspoetry] anybody want to revise this?

[Mike Lehman]

William,
I like the concept, but have a hard time believing that the Tribune would
ever actually advocate democracy (even to the Gazette.)  Maybe you need to
pump a little more irony into it at that point.

I'm not quite sure about the ending either.  Maybe it needs some sort of
clarification or elaboration.

Really good other than  those two gray areas.

Comrade Mike

Typo Dept. : "too" instead of "to" when the scandal goes on "too long."

William Gillespie wrote:

> Today the impeachment thing is over. Some of the newspapers are
> relieved. Most are just plain depressed.
>
> The Chicago Tribune and the Champaign-Urbana News-Gazette had a
> conversation in the locker room. The Tribune took off its headline -
> CLINTON ACQUITTED, and toweled off the ink to get ready for tomorrow's
> news. The Gazette sat on the bench looking dejected, smoking. Its
> headline read SAD ERA COME TO AN END.
>
> The Tribune snapped its towel at the Gazette and said:
>
> "Cheer up. A sad era has come to an end. Let's go get drunk to
> celebrate."
>
> The Gazette sighed and turned to section D - "news." SOME SCHOLARS FEAR
> POLITICS NOW DAMAGED PERMANANTLY. "I can't go on." The Gazette said.
>
> The Tribune laughed. "POLITICS DAMAGED PERMANENTLY. That's great. No
> more politics as usual, eh? Maybe we'll have to resort to Democracy.
> Where do your writers get that shit?"
>
> "Knight-Ridder. Associated Press. The wire, the can, you know. I don't
> have writers." The Gazette peeled off its headline in disgust and tossed
> it into its locker. "I miss the Courier. Now that I'm the only paper in
> town I don't even feel like trying to interest readers." the Gazette
> admitted.
>
> "Geez, you're taking this too hard. Come off it, you're paper. You can't
> even get a blowjob - you'd dissolve."
>
> "I wish I were a romance novel."
>
> "Quit it. Let's go out to the Billygoat, or how about the Courier Cafe,
> c'mon."
>
> "You don't know what it's like to be a conservative paper."
>
> "Are you kidding? Of course I do."
>
> "To be an apparatus of a small and narrow-minded set of right-wing
> business interests."
>
> "I am. The only difference between you and me is that I am
> better-written. As in: written at all."
>
> "Yeah, yeah. BOTH PARTIES, IN THE END, TIRED OF WHOLE ORDEAL. Why did
> they do this to me. My reputation is ruined. My reputation both as a
> credible news-source and as a family-oriented paper."
>
> "Don't worry, there'll be another war."
>
> "Great. Are you trying to cheer me up. CENSURE LOSES STEAM AFTER
> ACQUITTAL. It's like the whole thing was a tedious episode that went on
> to long. Now the conservative-owned media have been fucking America for
> a year, now its finally shot its wad and fucking fell asleep. America is
> lying there dissatisfied and a little horrified listening to the right
> wing snore, not sure whether it will ever read, or take an interest in
> events. God, I'm tired."
>
> "Take off that news and lets go out. I'm starving. Can I get a smoke off
> you, man?"
>
> "Yeah, okay. It's over. I hope it's finally over. No more pictures of
> Clinton looking apologetically at his feet, lower lip stuck out."
>
> "Right. No more L-word, no more dissatisfying jokes, no more cigars and
> semen."
>
> "I just hope..."
>
> "What?"
>
> "Hillary doesn't run for president."
>
> "Ugh. She'd do a fine job, but..."
>
> "Yeah, imagine her retired hubby running around in that White House with
> no responsibilities. The trouble he'd get into, and we'd have to
> transmit the details to the public."
>
> "Forget it."
>
> "Like a disease."
>
> "Stop. Enough."
>
> "Okay. I've always wanted to ask you. You're a conservative downstate
> small-town paper. Why do have a photo of the Chicago 8 in your locker."
>
> "They're my heroes."
>
> "You dog. Does your boss Ms. Chinigo know?"
>
> "She don't hang out in the locker room much."
>
> The sargeant says, get ready boys. And fire.
>
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