[Newspoetry] Unprecedented Landslide--Newspoem

[Scott Rettberg]

Unprecedented Landslide

On the day William Gillespie became president
I remember feeling a bit shocked, because
He hadn't said anything about legalizing
Marijuana during the campaign, but there it
Was, delivered Federal Express, an ounce of
High quality, locally grown, delivered to the front
Door of every American adult. I signed for it, feeling
A bit giddy, and also fearing that I might be
Committing some kind of Federal Crime, but the 
Fed-Ex guy chuckled, saying he'd gotten a lot of
That this morning, he said, hell, even I was 
Surprised, when they let me out of jail, and
Gave me a job, a map, and something like two hundred
Pounds of marijuana. Some folks would be greedy,
He said, but us non-violent offenders for the 
Most part are just grateful for the jobs, to
Get us back on our feet.

I rolled one up and cracked open the New York
Times. Holy smoke, he'd gotten it through, first
Session. You couldn't sell handguns in America
Anymore. They didn't even need to modify the 
Constitution. Turns out most people who buy guns
Aren't part of a well-regulated militia. He'd 
Rolled the marijuana into the gun-control legislation,
Saying he hoped, "it would take the edge off." Charleton
Heston was up in arms, then died of a heart attack.
PBS announced a twenty-four hour marathon. I planned
On catching a bit of Soylent Green, on the day
William Gillespie became president. They were bombing
The former Yugoslavia with hashish, and sending in
Brave Peace Corps Volunteers, on the day
William Gillespie became president.

The buyback program had begun, at three hundred
Bucks a pop, a lot of people were turning in their
Guns. Sure, some folks were planning a rebellion,
But the first sculpture went up on Paulina at noon,
The welders were at it for three hours straight, and 
They were proud of the melted barrels and twisted
Chambers which formed the body of a child, clutching
His chest. Here died Roberto Jimenez, the plaque said,
Uselessly, of gun violence. It was a solemn reminder,
And these things were going up all over the nation,
On the day William Gillespie became president.

The army wasn't to be completely dismantled, the
Times said, Ruth had vetoed that. Ruth expected to
Be moderating force, headline read, shows clear 
Understanding of foreign diplomacy, stock market
Settles after initial jitters. But it had been retooled
Clearly, the army men and the national guard were off 
Bases and on the streets, delivering the Dells and the 
iMacs and the modems to the inner-city youth, unloading 
Them from camouflaged trucks in long lines, saying things 
Like "Mac or PC?" and "Hup hup hup." Gillespie was on the 
TV at six, saying that the computers for the kids program
Was a crucial component of his plan for the big day next
Week, "Leave-work-and-go-make-art-day." He thanked Adobe,
Apple, Dell and Bill Gates, who turned out to be not such
A bad guy after all. The funny part, I thought, was that
The kids were a lot more excited by the clay, crayolas,
Construction paper, and stickers, that were included in 
The packages as well. I wondered how many of those
Systems would sit there, gathering dust.

"Freedom isn't free, nor is marijuana," the new
President said on the TV, "though your first ounce
Of marijuana is free, your second will not be. We
Need to pay for the kids' computers somehow or
Another, and my economists tell me that printing
Up all that extra money was not necessarily
Good for the economy. However, I assure you," and
He looked very sincere as he said this, "you will
Not pay more than current street prices for your
Weed, at least not during this administration," and
There were cheers, "though you will pay slightly
More for your beef and your gasoline," there were
Nervous smatterings of applause, "but there will be
New jobs on the farms," applause again, "and substantial
Subsidies for solar powered vehicles, and bicycles,
And trains. There will be lots of trains," he said,
"And lots of affordable nice restaurants, and the servers
Will all make a living wage." And the
Applause was deafening, on the day
William Gillespie became president.