[Newspoetry] This one needs your help

[Bill Wendling]

100 ways to stop the war in Kosovo

1. find some area codes in Kosovo and call random numbers
2. plaster your community with propaganda
3. proselytize your friends
4. mail band-aids to Belgrade
5. call the pentagon and suggest that they load missiles with spam.
6. convince bombs that exploding  is bad for their health
7. put sugar in the tanks of all those jets
8. cut out the part of maps that show the former Yugoslavia
9. contract out the bomb-making to non-union contractors making minimum
wage
10. depleted uranium causes massive testosterone reduction in pilots who
use these weapons
11. can't drink the water, so they run out of Budweiser
12. inundate Madeline Albright's office with messages of peace encased
in silly putty
13. call in peace threats to the white house.
14. read about the war everyday and talk about it obsessively all the
time until your friends and coworkers start to protest
15. Have parades celebrating the end of the war.
16. Stop paying war taxes.
17. Note to Serbs: Bone up on old CNN war footage and drag an American
body through the streets. It worked last time.
18. call www.acareer.com to inquire about jobs for bombs seeking a new
career path.
19. paint all the buildings to look like embassies so NATO can't decide
which one to hit.
20. Red Cross withdraws from Yugoslavia because NATO bombing makes it
too dangerous to assist refugees.
21. Slobodan Milosevic starts selling tickets to his news conferences.
22. NATO planes have collided several times when on conflicting bombing
runs, resulting in loss of life.

...

So far, this is by Glenn Powers, Maiko Covington, Anne Bargar, Mike
Lehman, and William Gillespie, and you (?). I admit that I don't
understand everything listed here. I'd love it if anybody emailed me
things to add or change. I'll edit and post it this week. Also, I'm
getting caught up. Sorry for those of you who wrote poems that were in
my inbox for awhile. At this point, I'm almost out of poems so
turn-around time will be prompt - timely, inaccurate, reporting.

Thanks..