[Newspoetry] national nuclear test-off

[Joe Futrelle]

Clinton Declares Aug. 6th "National Nuclear Test-Off"

Washington, D.C. (Associated Poets) -- President Clinton, in the wake
of the Senate's rejection of the 154-nation comprehensive nuclear test
ban treaty, has declared August 6th "National Nuclear Test-Off".  The
anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima will be marked by citizens
throughout the United States with a pause in their typically brisk
schedule of nuclear tests.

Some groups are skeptical that this proposed holiday will catch on.
"Ordinary working people just can't afford to compromise their
personal security by scaling back on their programs of nuclear
testing, even for a 24-hour period," said John Hermando of the
National Nuclear Weapons Association.

Jeff Winters, a sales associate at the Wal-Mart in Kansas City, MO,
agrees.  Winters, a card carrying NNWA member, tests nuclear weapons
in a small area of his backyard every evening after work.  "I've just
got to make sure these babies are ready to go," he says, indicating a
set of small missile silos next to his garage.  "I just don't think
letting up on our testing sends the right message to the folks we're
hoping to deter."

But Clinton's proposal does have its share of supporters.  Clyde
Schaffer, an accountant from Bethesda, MD, says he doesn't need to
test every day to make sure his nuclear arsenal is prepared.  "I've
invested a substantial amount in a set of quality nuclear weapons," he
explains.  "I have every confidence that a weekly test is all I need
to ensure their viability as a peace-keeping deterrent."  He adds that
the noise, searing heat, and 200 mph winds from his neighbors nuclear
tests can sometimes be annoying.  "It'll be nice to have some peace
and quiet here, even if it is just for 24 hours," he adds.

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Joe Futrelle                  | "At least, Bandung heckled Utah." --
Team Leader, Emerge           | Prof. Pam Connie 
Scientific Data Tech. / NCSA  | 
http://emerge.ncsa.uiuc.edu/  |